29 Thought-Provoking Quotes By George Burns

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Family Happiness

George Burns

  

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.

George Burns

  

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.

You Past

George Burns

  

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.

You

George Burns

  

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

I

George Burns

  

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

I

George Burns

  

Sincerity - if you can fake that, you've got it made.

You

George Burns

  

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

Like Trying

George Burns

  

I'd rather be a failure at something I enjoy than a success at something I hate.

I

George Burns

  

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

You Money

George Burns

  

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.

Together

George Burns

  

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

Me I

George Burns

  

I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.

I

George Burns

  

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.

Life Future I

George Burns

  

No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.

George Burns

  

Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

You

George Burns

  

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

You

George Burns

  

Young. Old. Just Words.

Young

George Burns

  

Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.

You Think

George Burns

  

Say Goodnight Gracie.

George Burns

  

Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up.

Time

George Burns

  

I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.

History I

George Burns

  

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.

You Love Think I

George Burns

  

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.

You Happiness

George Burns

  

Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.

George Burns

  

I'd rather be a failure in something that I love than a success in something that I hate.

Love I

George Burns

  

Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth.

Me I

George Burns

  

I can remember when the air was clean and the sex was dirty." -George Burns

I

George Burns

  

The key to success is sincerity. If you can fake that you've got it made.

You

George Burns