Writing is a very strenuous thing - it's like banging your head against a wall. At the end of the day, acting is better, just because nobody ever asked me if I wanted a Pellegrino in the writer's room.
I'm a big PAX person... just because it's accessible. I feel like between the weed and the wax it's kind of like BetaMax and VHS. You can carry it around, people don't really know what it is, no smell.
Black culture is a fight. We want to hold on to what we are, but sometimes the things that we are can be totally negative. You have to think: can't we try something new and not be seen as suspect?
I don't think I'm good, I don't think I'm a good rapper. I think a lot of people always want me to battle somebody and stuff like that which is cool, but I don't see myself as a rapper.
I call 'Community' the best day job in the world, because between takes, I get to write music. I get to write sketches. I get to write movies. It's the best job ever.
The thing about stand-up was, I was doing all this sketch and YouTube stuff where I was not being censored and I got to do my own thing, and it was really cool.
Most people think I'm Danny Glover's son when they meet me. So when they ask, I say 'No, I'm Crispin Glover's son.' Then we stare at each other for a long time.
I personally don't believe people really grow. They just learn stuff when they were a kid, and hold on to it, and that affects every relationship they have.
We put stereotypes on ourselves - like, everybody does that. But I think it's just a little harder for black kids to just like, you know, be who they are.
I'm very impatient, so I was like, 'I want to be able to do whatever I want now.' But even the biggest stars - you look back and they weren't overnight.
I don't even think I'm that good at rapping, but I think what makes a great rapper - what CAN make a great rapper - is someone who wants to be better.
I'm probably going to get in trouble for this but 'American Dad' is one of my favourite shows. It gets very dark in places but the jokes are there.
I like horror films and romance films. Films where you're going in being like, 'I'm coming here to be scared or to fall in love.' You have a goal.
I hope people come to the shows because they feel like there's something there that I can't necessarily articulate, but it's real and it's fun.
I feel like guys don't think it's cool to use emojis. I'm like, that's so whack. Emojis help so much. They really do give context to something.
We lay out our lives in a narrative we understand, like a movie, but are you enjoying making it or are you wondering who's watching my movie.
Rapper, just puts so much connotation on who you are and what is exposed. Even if a lot of it is out-dated, people still bring a lot to it.
Black men struggle with masculinity so much. The idea that we must always be strong really presses us all down - it keeps us from growing.
You have to be real with yourself. No one is doing that. People are too concerned with making everything look nice and calm and pretty.
You used to have to beg and be the busboy to do standup. I got on Community because people saw my videos on YouTube, which were free.
We're afraid to move on, that's why there's so much nostalgia on the internet... 'cause we don't wanna look forward, that's scary.
But I just think I was lucky enough to figure out early on that I wanted to do comedy, so that's what I put all my effort into.
You know who was on time tonight, which surprised me? Ghostface. Ghostface was early and making calls - what rapper does that?
I hate it when you really think you're getting something good... and you don't listen to your dudes when you really should.
The only reason I'm able to do music is because I'm making money on 'Community.' If I wasn't, I couldn't pay for things.
Revenge is for the weak so I have settled my vendettas with all of the kids who made my early life a living hell.
To all my fans who's saying Donald Glover about to blow, just give me six months so you can say I told you so.
I think the best music videos are the ones that have nothing to do with the song. Those are all my favorites.
They say my public persona don't have enough appeal, I take a lesson from Kanye and give 'em something real.
I'm trying hard not to use a specific reference, but you'll probably know it's you after the first sentence.
I felt like high school for me was like a big whirlpool of me trying to figure out what was OK for me to do.
I think that's what makes a good rapper. Somebody who wants to push themselves and their audience further.
Also, I realized a lot of kids are listening to me. Whether I want to be or not, they're looking up to me.
Usually, if I think something is really funny, I'm not gonna test it. I'll just test it when I'm onstage.
It seems the more I try to connect with the world, I am feeling more alone than I ever have felt before
Kept looking for something to be in with. Follow someone's blueprint. But you have to be on your own.
I try and go to as many places as possible. It's really cool that I even get to see different places.
You started rapping when you wasn't good at basketball. I started rapping because I needed Adderall.
Why does every girl in the world wanna date me? Especially right now man, especially when I'm busy!
I feel like there's a lot of rappers that could out-rap me and I wouldn't want to face any of them.
Yes I'm grown and sexy, and I'm worth the wait. Girls act like I'm the only dude on earth to date.
Twitter does have an effect on everything - things you put out there, they are out there for good.
If you're on Twitter, what you're saying is, 'I'm important enough for you to care what I think.'
May your dreams be sweet and your nightmares be spooky-monster-scary and not grandma-died-scary.
Bright lights, they tend to burn out fast. So I shine bright, but I'm scared that it won't last.
Girls who used to tell me I ain't cool enough now text me pics saying you can tear this up!
I would never challenge any rapper to a rap-off. It's weird, I'm not that type of rapper.
I come around when you least expect me! I'm sitting at the bar when your glass is empty!
I hope in general that my music allows somebody to follow what they really like doing.
A lot of my sketches came from thoughts, and I always just wanted to act them out.
I think it's a comedian's job to make everything funny. Nothing is off-limits.
Girls are supposed to dance. That's why god gave them parts that jiggle.
I have an obsession with books about kids with Asperger's syndrome.
Don't add an eezy to my name, 'cause it has never been that'
Careers very rarely are a waste of time; jobs usually are.
Taking a call girl to an STD fair... there's a joke here.
When anybody pays you to be creative, you're very lucky.
Dress like a gentleman, but my mouth is never civilized.
Don't be mad cuz I'm doing me better than you doing you.
Took the G out yo waffle, all you got left is your ego.
What's the point of rap if you can't be yourself, huh?
My swag is always capital and live in north Virginia.
Never kiss in public, but at home I am affectionate.
If it makes you nervous- you're doing it right.
I refuse to go back to not liking who I was.
When I wanna be a superhero I just wake up.
I don't talk soft, that's that other guy.
I am what I am, everything I wanna be
You're always allowed to be better.
The worst is feeling worthless.
I try to be me to the utmost.
The thing about stand-up was, not only was I getting to write it without anybody saying I couldn't do it, but I got to perform it. It just kind of became therapy for me. I had just gotten through a break-up and I was talking about it a lot.
If you like strange, specific stuff - that's a nerd. Kanye West is a black nerd. He likes strange, specific stuff. If you go up to Kanye West and say, 'Hey, what are your favorite things?' He'll be like, 'Robots and teddy bears.' That's a nerd.
L.A. is such a different place. I miss New York so much. I almost teared up when I came back and wanted a Guinness and realized I could drink it and take a cab home. I remembered that I could be a functional alcoholic in New York, like I used to be!
Suicide is kinda dumb to me. If I wanna kill myself I will. It's not hard to die, I could do it like right now. But why is everybody pretending like everything's ok, Everything's not ok. We are more connected than we've ever been, But I feel more alone than I've ever been.
I'd much rather have AIDS than a baby... They're not that different at all. They're both expensive, you have them for the rest of your life, they're constant reminders of the mistakes you've made and once you have them, you pretty much can only date other people who have them.
The emotional aspects of a wilderness experience might be compared to a religious experience. It is particularly valuable for those people whose unconscious associations of pain and discomfort in relationships to man render a deity in human form impossible. Christianity is unacceptable to some people because of the use of the human symbol, but some who can't accept Christ can gain a tremendous sense of peace from relating to uncontaminated areas.
We had a teacher, named Mr. Brown, and he was writing something on the board once - he was writing something on the board, and he farted. And you would have thought kids had seen the face of God. Kids weren't even laughing; they were just sitting there screaming, just screaming. Kids had to get carted out; kids were screaming. Kids had to get carted out, and they were going to the nurses' office. Kids are crying in the hallway. 'Oh, this is our 9/11.' And it was. It was their 9/11 'cause they never thought anything like that could ever happen.