The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.
You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.
You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck.
Look at where Jesus went to pick people. He didn't go to the colleges; he got guys off the fishing docks.
Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on.
My grandma's the most careful, safe driver in the world. You put her in a rental car, and she's doing doughnuts in the K-Mart parking lot!
If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'
I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods.
If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.
For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.
I say, If everybody in this house lives where it's God first, friends and family second and you third, we won't ever have an argument.
You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work.
I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When shes in a good mood it turns blue, but when shes in a bad mood theres a red mark across my forehead
Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?
I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I've got four more summers with her. I'm not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie.
Between New York and LA, there's 200 million people that aren't hip, and they don't want to be hip.
I teach a Bible study for homeless guys in downtown Atlanta every week. Been doing it for years. That's the guys I'd rather go talk to. I'd rather take my act outside the church.
That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.
The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He's got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.
Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.
Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?
Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.
The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house.
If you think fast food is hittin a deer att 65 miles per hr.. you might be a redneck
My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.
I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.
