Authors: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

A collection of quotes and sayings by Jeff Foxworthy on life, facts, mayonnaise, collar, comedy, blue, commitment, sign, totally, redneck, pictures, funny etc.

63 Great Quotes By Jeff Foxworthy That Might Make You Laugh Your Head Off

Quick Facts

Famous As: Comedian

Born On: September 6, 1958

Born In: Atlanta

Jeff Foxworthy is an American actor, stand-up comedian, author, radio personality, actor and television personality. He is a part of comedy troupe ‘Blue Collar Comedy Tour’ which also comprises of Ron White, Larry The Cable Guy and Bill Engvall. He is renowned for his one-liner ‘You might be a redneck’ and has had six-major comedy albums released till date. He is also a prolific writer and has expressed his views, thoughts and opinions through his writings which have primarily been based on redneck jokes. ‘No Shirt, No Shoes....No Problem!’ is an autobiography written by him. We bring to you a treasury of quotable quotes and sayings by the multi-faceted personality and one of the funniest comedians of this era. Presenting some hilarious, interesting, insightful and inspiring quotes and thoughts by Jeff Foxworthy on book, values, think, redneck, love, little, girls, education, truck, fishing, people, family, time, goal, stand, friends, love, life, smell, homeless, work, daughter, summer, phone, voice, quality, ugly, humor, grace and more.

The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.

Jeff Foxworthy

If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.

Jeff Foxworthy

If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck.

Jeff Foxworthy

I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

Jeff Foxworthy

My grandma's the most careful, safe driver in the world. You put her in a rental car, and she's doing doughnuts in the K-Mart parking lot!

Jeff Foxworthy

Look at where Jesus went to pick people. He didn't go to the colleges; he got guys off the fishing docks.

Jeff Foxworthy

You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.

Jeff Foxworthy

Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on.

Jeff Foxworthy

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'

Jeff Foxworthy

If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.

Jeff Foxworthy

For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.

Jeff Foxworthy

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

Jeff Foxworthy

I say, If everybody in this house lives where it's God first, friends and family second and you third, we won't ever have an argument.

Jeff Foxworthy

I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods.

Jeff Foxworthy

Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work.

Jeff Foxworthy

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?

Jeff Foxworthy

I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When shes in a good mood it turns blue, but when shes in a bad mood theres a red mark across my forehead

Jeff Foxworthy

I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I've got four more summers with her. I'm not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie.

Jeff Foxworthy

Between New York and LA, there's 200 million people that aren't hip, and they don't want to be hip.

Jeff Foxworthy

I teach a Bible study for homeless guys in downtown Atlanta every week. Been doing it for years. That's the guys I'd rather go talk to. I'd rather take my act outside the church.

Jeff Foxworthy

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

Jeff Foxworthy

Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.

Jeff Foxworthy

The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He's got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.

Jeff Foxworthy

The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house.

Jeff Foxworthy

Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?

Jeff Foxworthy

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

Jeff Foxworthy

If you think fast food is hittin a deer att 65 miles per hr.. you might be a redneck

Jeff Foxworthy

My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.

Jeff Foxworthy

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.

Jeff Foxworthy

If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.

Jeff Foxworthy

Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.

Jeff Foxworthy

I don't know why my brain has kept all the words to the Gilligan's Island theme song and has deleted everything about triangles.

Jeff Foxworthy

The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more.

Jeff Foxworthy

Country music is about new love and it's about old love.

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your dogs name is Miller Light

Jeff Foxworthy

When I first started out, being from the South and going to New York or Chicago, people kept telling me to get voice lessons and 'lose that stupid accent you got.' And I'm like, 'Well, where I come from, you have the stupid accent.'

Jeff Foxworthy

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

Jeff Foxworthy

We're all screwed up. And the way Christians mess things up is we act like we've got it going on. And if we would just stay in that place of, 'Hey, we're all screwed up and but for the grace of God, none of us have a shot here.' We need to have a sense of humor about it; that's kind of the way I've always faced my comedy.

Jeff Foxworthy

If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a redneck.

Jeff Foxworthy

I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.

Jeff Foxworthy

If you think the last four words to the national anthem are " gentleman, start your engines", You might be a redneck.

Jeff Foxworthy

You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more.

Jeff Foxworthy

There's no down time any more.

Jeff Foxworthy

If you ahve ever unloaded your pickup by backing up really fast and slamming on the brakes, you might be a redneck.

Jeff Foxworthy

If you think a quaterhorse is that ride in front of Kmart.. You might be a rednneck

Jeff Foxworthy

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.

Jeff Foxworthy

You know, I remember Career Day in high school. I remember plumbers and lawyers... I don't remember a booth where you could sign up to learn how to shoot chickens out of a cannon at the windshield of an airplane, 'cause there would have been a line at my school to do that!

Jeff Foxworthy

I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family.

Jeff Foxworthy

It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.

Jeff Foxworthy

I know God is real.

Jeff Foxworthy

Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.

Jeff Foxworthy

Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.

Jeff Foxworthy

I really don't require a whole lot in life.

Jeff Foxworthy

I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together.

Jeff Foxworthy

I never thought I would do a game show, but now I guess I'm now officially in that genre.

Jeff Foxworthy

I love comedy. God has given me this platform.

Jeff Foxworthy

If men have a smell it's usually an accident.

Jeff Foxworthy

What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.

Jeff Foxworthy

People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school.

Jeff Foxworthy

When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.

Jeff Foxworthy

It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.

Jeff Foxworthy

My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.

Jeff Foxworthy