The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.
I said "Somebody should do something about that." Then I realized I am somebody.
The road to success is always under construction
Why is it that when we talk to God we’re said to be praying, but when God talks to us we’re schizophrenic?
Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.
Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past.
If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?
No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep up.
Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.
I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.
Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then--we elected them.
The best mind altering drug is the truth.
If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?
We're all in this alone.
I always wanted to be something, but now I see I should have been more specific.
Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.
Exercise is for people who can't handle drugs or alcohol.
Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.
After all, in private, we're all misfits
Does your mind feel more and more like teflon? Nothing sticks to it?
For fast-acting relief, try slowing down.
If you read a lot of books, you're considered well-read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well-viewed!
Lady, I do not make up things. That is lies. Lies are not true. But the truth could be made up if yo know how. And that's the truth.
Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest - then we can all die laughing.
Sometimes i worry about being a success in a mediocre world.
Growing up in Michigan was fine...until I realized where I was.
Just remember, we're all in this alone.
I always wondered why somebody doesn't do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody.
I can handle reality in small doses, but as a lifestyle, it's much too confining.
I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework. ~Lily Tomlin as "Edith Ann
All my life I always wanted to be someone. I see now I should have been more specific.
Reality is the leading cause of stress.
So if you've had a good time tonight, or if you've had a good time any night, for gosh sake's why not drop a dollar in the mail to me?
We’re all in this together alone.
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.