I'm suspicious of people who don't like dogs, but I trust a dog when it doesn't like a person.
Where do these stairs go? They go up!
Life is so damn short. For fuck's sake, just do what makes you happy.
The Best Way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream.
And then depression set in....
While I have felt lonely many times in my life, the oddest feeling of all was after my mother, Lucille, died. My father had already died, but I always had some attachment to our big family while she was alive. It seems strange to say now that I felt so lonely, yet I did.
The more relaxed you are, the better you are at everything: the better you are with your loved ones, the better you are with your enemies, the better you are at your job, the better you are with yourself.
Movie acting suits me because I only need to be good for ninety seconds at a time.
It's given many great performers their start, but more importantly, it's killed thousands of barely talented people and it's put them to death, and they're now doing the jobs they're built for.
There's only a couple times when fame is ever helpful. Sometimes you can get into a restaurant where the kitchen is just closing. Sometimes you can avoid a traffic violation. But the only time it really matters is in the emergency room with your kids. That's when you want to be noticed, because it's very easy to get forgotten in an ER.
I always want to say to people who want to be rich and famous: 'try being rich first'. See if that doesn't cover most of it. There's not much downside to being rich, other than paying taxes and having your relatives ask you for money. But when you become famous, you end up with a 24-hour job.
You gotta want it.
My favorite thing about New York is the people, because I think they're misunderstood. I don't think people realize how kind New York people are.
When the phone started ringing too many times, I had to take it back to what I can handle. I take my chances on a job or a person as opposed to a situation. I don't like to have a situation placed over my head.
Awards are meaningless to me, and I have nothing but disdain for anyone who actively campaigns to get one.
Somewhere there's a score being kept, so you have an obligation to live life as well as you can, be as engaged as you can.
I try to be available for life to happen to me.
I realized the more fun I had, the more relaxed I was working, the better I worked.
I've never made any horrible, horrible movies. If you don't ruin your reputation, you can always get work.
One of my gripes about movies is that people take them so seriously, and the moneymaking aspects are so brutal.
When I work, my first relationship with people is professional.
I feel that if you really want an Oscar, you're in trouble. It's like wanting to be married - you'll take anybody. If you want the Oscar really badly, it becomes a naked desire and ambition. It becomes very unattractive.
Whenever I think of the high salaries we are paid as film actors, I think it is for the travel, the time away, and any trouble you get into through being well known. It's not for the acting, that's for sure.
People say I'm difficult and sometimes that's a badge of honour.
Golf was my first glimpse of comedy. I was a caddy when I was a kid. I was on the golf course rather than being in lessons, but I can play better now than I could then.
I came out of the old Second City in Chicago. Chicago actors are more hard-nosed. They're tough on themselves and their fellow actors. They're self-demanding.
I don't want to have a relationship with someone if I'm not going to work with them.
This really should be kept secret, but you can learn a lot by watching the making-of DVDs. Every actor should do it. You figure out what you're dealing with.
Sometimes I snore, like when I get really tired.
One of the things I like about acting is that, in a funny way, I come back to myself.
There aren't many downsides to being rich, other than paying taxes and having relatives asking for money. But being famous, that's a 24 hour job right there.
People only talk about what a joyous experience it is, but there is terror: Your life, as you know it, is over. It's over the day that child is born. It's over, and something completely new starts.
In Japan, you have no idea what they are saying, and they can't help you either. Nothing makes any sense. They're very polite, but you feel like a joke is being played on you the entire time you're there.
I think all phases of one's career are serious if you take it seriously no matter if you are doing high profile dramatic pieces or not.
I don't know how this guy knew how much money I was making. I didn't know how much money I was making.
Here's the thing, you just have to drive a lot faster, and if you don't get there, we're both fired.
All of us kids ended up 'doing Mom.' There are four of us who've tried show business. Five if you insist on counting my sister the nun, who does liturgical dance.
I don't want to be that guy mumbling into his drink at a bar.
I go home and stay there. I wash and scrub up each day, and that's it. One month I actually grew a moustache, just so I could say that I'd done something.
I think that the online world has actually brought books back. People are reading because they're reading the damn screen. That's more reading than people used to do.
I've been lucky, I've had movies that made a lot of money, so I don't feel like I have to kill every time out. I don't want that pressure. I don't need it.
And I don't like to work. I only like working when I'm working.
No one really wants to admit they are lonely, and it is never really addressed very much between friends and family. But I have felt lonely many times in my life.
Don't think about your errors or failures; otherwise, you'll never do a thing.
I throw a Christmas party at my house. It's not really a Christmas party, because I don't want to call it a Christmas party. But let's just say I put a lot of Christmas trees around the house, so it smells good.
There are people who drove me crazy, but they got the job done. And when I see that person again, I nod my head. Respect.
I'm a nut, but not just a nut.
Yeah, I think that's sort of the American way. And it's also the Polish way, it turns out.
When you see grown men near to tears because they've missed hitting a little white ball into a hole from three feet, it makes you laugh.
'Groundhog Day' was one of the greatest scripts ever written. It didn't even get nominated for an Academy Award.
I think midlife crisis is just a point where people's careers have reached some plateau and they have to reflect on their personal relationships.
We're born alone. We do need each other. It's lonely to really effectively live your life, and anyone you can get help from or give help to; that's part of your obligation.
I went to Second City, where you learned to make the other actor look good so you looked good and National Lampoon, where you had to create everything out of nothing, and SNL, where you couldn't make any mistakes, and you learned what collaboration was.
The studios don't seem to foster good writing. They're not so interested in that, but they're more interested in what worked most recently. They're definitely very serious about making money, and that's not a wrong thing, but you don't have to make money the same way all the time.
But I can only take so much TV, because there is so much advice. I find people will preach about virtually anything - your diet, how to live your life, how to improve your golf. The lot. I have always had a thing against the Mister Know-It-Alls.
Parties are only bad when a fight breaks out, when men fight over women or vice versa. Someone takes a fall, an ambulance comes, and the police arrive. If you can avoid those things, pretty much all behaviour is acceptable.