I want to perform an unnatural act.
The crooks downtown figured out that comedy is like a hammer. It can put up a barn and it can knock down a wall. So they bought it outright and marketed it as Comedy Central.
If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone.
If I get busted in New York, the freest city in the world, that will be the end of my career.
Even if you are Catholic, if you live in New York you're Jewish. If you live in Butte, Montana, you are going to be goyish even if you are Jewish.
I was a Jew talking about Goyim religion. If I had just stuck to Moses, everything would have been cool. But, copping to being part of the whole Christ murder conspiracy got everyone goose-stepping again.
You can't just run out and start the car until some cat invents a car.
I credit the motion picture industry as the strongest environmental factor in molding the children of my day.
There's always a down side with any freedom. It's not just homosexual freedom, but any sexual freedom comes at a price, and that is usually art.
There is only what is and that's it. What should be is a dirty lie.
What you end up with is outrageousness without the laugh - comedy as electro shock therapy.
I'm sure that half the buzz from smoking grass was the fact that it was so illegal.
I've talked to biblical cats, and Neanderthals who been here since day one. No one here has even seen the Big Boss. Ever.
The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.
Communism is just one big telephone company.
Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.
If you live in New York, even if you're Catholic, you're Jewish
Communism is like one big phone company.
The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an hour - ha ha ha ha ha - they'll take you away, man. You can't.
Once you sleep on feathers you can't go back to sleeping on the floor.
I'm not a comedian. I'm Lenny Bruce.
Sex and obscenity are not synonymous.
Anyone who does anything for pleasure to indulge his selfish soul will surely burn in Hell.
I'll die young, but it's like kissing God.
Satire is tragedy plus time.
Certain things are complete superstition and have no validity at all in the Bible. Yeah. They're just the antithesis of everything that is correct intellectually.
TV is just advertising for your live gig, so I'm playing whichever show is gonna get me the biggest crowd.
All my humor is based upon destruction and despair.
When you're eight years old, nothing is any of your business.
You got to pay your dues to get the joke. Besides, laughter is cheap and very portable. If there's a pogrom, or they're blaming you for the plague, nothing is easier to pack than a sense of humor.
