An awful lot of female celebrities are very beautiful whereas a lot of male celebrities are not so hot.
It's lovely to get one successful show - the chances of finding a second one are not so hot.
I've so exceeded what I ever wanted to do.
Occasionally the state of the planet can knock me off my perky perch.
All my interesting stories are from before I was on television. Nothing interesting has happened to me since then. Maybe it's because the most interesting thing in my life is the show and that's on telly.
I'd like to retire at 50 but I don't want to sell papers in the middle of London on a Zimmer.
I loved Lucille Ball growing up.
Some people think they're depressed and they go to the doctor and want pills. And you just think: 'You hate where you live, you've lost your job, your boyfriend has dumped you, could all this be why you're depressed?'
Where I get bored is when I show up for a shoot and they want me to wear a feather boa. Too obvious a thing for a poof on the telly to do.
Tolerance is forced on people in London.
The only time I took Ecstacy was years and years ago. It was absolutely amazing.
My mobile rang around lunchtime one day, and it was George Michael. He wanted to come in on Friday. We were like, 'okay, if that's what you want'. And he was a very good guest. That's a real exception to the rule.
I'm often dating people, but I don't say it because you sort of know it won't last long.
I'm actually quite self-sufficient, so it might look as if there isn't room for anyone in my life. That isn't entirely the case.
My life could have been so grim really, really grim.
Forty freaked me out. I didn't see it coming. My life was in a state of chaos - I was moving jobs and moving house - and it just hit me like a ton of bricks.
Those years between drama school and getting onto the stand-up circuit were pretty lean.
Britain's such a twisted, weird little place.
If it was possible for me to adopt, I probably would, but no one's going to let me adopt.
It sounds deeply shallow, but for brief spells every member of the public can be fascinating.
All these people I interview are worth ten times what I'm worth.
You don't want money to make you a social freak where you can only hang out with rich people.
I am very quick to judge.
Well, certainly I think American television is - that's proper TV.
I don't think you should have to try to be nice, I think most people are nice. I think being cheerful and nice is just a politeness.
I do get pleasure from very inconsequential things, like shopping for clothes.
The higher your profile becomes, the more aware you are that people out there might hate you.
I was a failed actor but I still wanted to show off, so I ended up doing live comedy.
My parents grew up working class, but in that way that working class families do, they spent a fortune on education to better me.
I think the word is adult!
The BBC is a victim of its own independence.
I don't think anyone wants to be gay.
In my experience the difference between a straight and a bisexual is about four pints
Do I have more depth than I'm given credit for? No!
I am camp. Lots of gay men can't cope with their campness. They are in denial about it.
You don't want to be hard to look at. Plain very good, hard to look at bad. The plain shall inherit the earth; time is our friend.
I have nothing to say about my childhood. It was a perfectly pleasant upbringing - it's not like it was unhappy or anything.
Basically, I'm a really bad interviewer. I love meeting celebrities, but then I get a bit bored. Once you meet them you thing, 'really, what an ordinary person'.
I don't think I've got bad taste. I've got no taste.
The only people who are desperate to go on the show are people we're desperate not to have on the show.
I am really bad at actually interviewing people.
A comedian's a comedian. They're a very kind of cynical bunch. I guess that's why I like them.
I bet Maurice Gibb's heart monitor was singing the tune of Stayin' Alive.
Straight men just can't imagine the bliss of being in a relationship with someone who finds farting as funny as they do.
One of the great things about being gay and out is that the papers couldn't care less about your love life.
I always say I'd rather be miserable by myself than unhappy in a relationship.
A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.
I've heard other gay people say when they were growing up they felt 'foreign.' Growing up, I was able to label these feelings as: 'I'm a Protestant.' It wasn't until I left, I thought: 'Oh, those weren't Protestant feelings.'
All my day is spent dealing with other people. When I come home I like it to be empty. The presence of others in my house kind of annoys me. I love coming home and shutting the doors. I feel brain dead. I'm relatively available, but not to live with.
Because society places a value on masculinity, gay men aspire to it. If you go to a gay club and the doorman says, 'You do realise this is a gay club, don't you lads?' you get all excited because you think, 'Wow, he thought I was straight!'
