Authors: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

54 Famous Quotes By W. C. Fields That Will Tickle Your Funny Bone

Famous As: Actor
Born On: January 29, 1880
Died On: December 25, 1946
Born In: Darby, Pennsylvania, United States
Died At Age: 66
William Claude Dukenfield, who gained popularity by the name W. C. Fields, was an American actor, writer, juggler and comedian. He was one of the most influential comedians of his era. Fields started off his career in the show business as a juggler and for some time he was even regarded as the world’s best juggler. However, his foray into Broadway and later into Hollywood is what made him a comedy star. He became particularly famous after performing in the Broadway show ‘Poppy’ in 1923. Fields was particularly famous for his perpetually drunk comic persona. Other than becoming a noted film star, Fields had also been a comedy fixture at the ‘Ziegfeld Follies’. He had also carved a niche for himself on radio and became popular for his comedic persona. Needless to say, Fields’ career as a comedian also gave rise to a veritable treasure trove of quotes that are still quoted by people. Here are some of the selected quotations and sayings which have been ex-cerpted from the life and work of W. C. Fields that would surely make you laugh.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

W. C. Fields
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

W. C. Fields
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

W. C. Fields
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

W. C. Fields
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.

W. C. Fields
I never hold a grudge. As soon as I get even with the son-of-a bitch, I forget it.

I never hold a grudge. As soon as I get even with the son-of-a bitch, I forget it.

W. C. Fields
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

W. C. Fields
I don't drink water. Fish fuck in it.

I don't drink water. Fish fuck in it.

W. C. Fields
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

W. C. Fields
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.

Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.

W. C. Fields
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

W. C. Fields
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money

W. C. Fields
I like children. If they're properly cooked.

I like children. If they're properly cooked.

W. C. Fields
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.

A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.

W. C. Fields
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

W. C. Fields
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

W. C. Fields
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

W. C. Fields
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.

W. C. Fields
Marry an outdoors woman. That way, if you have to throw her out into the yard for the night, she can still survive.

Marry an outdoors woman. That way, if you have to throw her out into the yard for the night, she can still survive.

W. C. Fields
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.

I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.

W. C. Fields
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!

Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!

W. C. Fields
Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.

Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.

W. C. Fields
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.

I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.

W. C. Fields
There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.

There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.

W. C. Fields
I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.

W. C. Fields
You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.

You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.

W. C. Fields
It is funnier to bend things than to break them.

It is funnier to bend things than to break them.

W. C. Fields
Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill?

Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.

Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.

W. C. Fields
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

W. C. Fields
Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.

W. C. Fields