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100 Great Quotes By Steve Martin That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud

Famous As: Actor
Born On: August 14, 1945
Born In: Waco, Texas, United States
Age: 77 Years
Steve Martin is a renowned American comedian, writer and actor. He joined the University of California to study theatre while performing as a comedian in local clubs. His local fame as a comedian encouraged him to dropout from college, and he subsequently won an ‘Emmy Award’ as a comedy writer for ‘The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour’. He started appearing on various popular comedy shows but his appearance on ‘Saturday Night Live’ proved to be a major breakthrough. He came up with four comedy albums and won ‘Grammy’ for ‘Let's Get Small’ and ‘A Wild and Crazy Guy’. He debuted on the big screen with small roles but eventually got his first prominent role in ‘Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band’ where his performance was appreciated by the masses. This encouraged him to co-write and act in his next film ‘The Jerk’ to make it into a huge commercial success. The movie is acknowledged to be his most notable work and he was also listed in the "The 100 Greatest Performances of All Time". While proving his prominence on the big screen with movies like ‘Father of the Bride’ and ‘Bringing Down the House’, he continued to publish a few successful novels which includes ‘Shopgirl’. We have compiled some inspiring quotations and sayings by the distinguished artist which have been excerpted from his interviews, work, thoughts, writings and life. Go through the quotes and thoughts by Steve Martin which will reveal the truths of life besides tickling your funny bones.
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Steve Martin
Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way.

Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way.

Steve Martin
I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.

Steve Martin
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.

Steve Martin
I saw the movie, 'Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon' and was surprised because I didn't see any tigers or dragons. And then I realized why: they're crouching and hidden.

I saw the movie, 'Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon' and was surprised because I didn't see any tigers or dragons. And then I realized why: they're crouching and hidden.

Steve Martin
It's pain that changes our lives.

It's pain that changes our lives.

Steve Martin
Boy, those French! They have a different word for everything.

Boy, those French! They have a different word for everything.

Steve Martin
Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.

Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.

Steve Martin
Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

Steve Martin
Writer's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.

Writer's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.

Steve Martin
I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot.

I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot.

Steve Martin
You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.

You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.

Steve Martin
... you're nuts but you're welcome here.

... you're nuts but you're welcome here.

Steve Martin
...it is not the big events that hurt the most but rather the smallest questionable shift in tone at the end of a spoken word that can plow most deeply into the heart.

...it is not the big events that hurt the most but rather the smallest questionable shift in tone at the end of a spoken word that can plow most deeply into the heart.

Steve Martin
Be so good they can't ignore you.

Be so good they can't ignore you.

Steve Martin
We've had some fun tonight...considering we're all gonna die someday.

We've had some fun tonight...considering we're all gonna die someday.

Steve Martin
I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.

I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.

Steve Martin
First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

Steve Martin
How is it possible to miss a woman whom you kept at a distance, so that when she was gone you would not miss her?

How is it possible to miss a woman whom you kept at a distance, so that when she was gone you would not miss her?

Steve Martin
I've heard lots of people lie to themselves but they never fool anyone.

I've heard lots of people lie to themselves but they never fool anyone.

Steve Martin
She has learned that her body is precious and it mustn't be offered carelessly ever again, as it holds a direct connection to her heart.

She has learned that her body is precious and it mustn't be offered carelessly ever again, as it holds a direct connection to her heart.

Steve Martin
I gave my cat a bath the other day...they love it. He sat there, he enjoyed it, it was fun for me. The fur would stick to my tongue, but other than that...

I gave my cat a bath the other day...they love it. He sat there, he enjoyed it, it was fun for me. The fur would stick to my tongue, but other than that...

Steve Martin
The banjo is such a happy instrument--you can't play a sad song on the banjo - it always comes out so cheerful.

The banjo is such a happy instrument--you can't play a sad song on the banjo - it always comes out so cheerful.

Steve Martin
I understood that as much as I had resisted the outside, as much as I had constricted my life, as much as I had closed and narrowed the channels into me, there were still many takers for the quiet heart.

I understood that as much as I had resisted the outside, as much as I had constricted my life, as much as I had closed and narrowed the channels into me, there were still many takers for the quiet heart.

Steve Martin
I've got to keep breathing. It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't.

I've got to keep breathing. It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't.

Steve Martin
I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.

I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.

Steve Martin
Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.

Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.

Steve Martin
Through the years, I have learned there is no harm in charging oneself up with delusions between moments of valid inspiration.

Through the years, I have learned there is no harm in charging oneself up with delusions between moments of valid inspiration.

Steve Martin
The operation was a success, but I'm afraid the doctor is dead.

The operation was a success, but I'm afraid the doctor is dead.

Steve Martin
She tried to get even with him through psychological warfare but couldn't, because he didn't care.

She tried to get even with him through psychological warfare but couldn't, because he didn't care.

Steve Martin
Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.

Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.

Steve Martin
You know what your problem is, it's that you haven't seen enough movies - all of life's riddles are answered in the movies.

You know what your problem is, it's that you haven't seen enough movies - all of life's riddles are answered in the movies." Steve Martin

Steve Martin
Were they beautiful? We were all beautiful. We were in our twenties.

Were they beautiful? We were all beautiful. We were in our twenties.

Steve Martin
Yeah, well, we're all writers, aren't we? He's a writer that hasn't been published, and I'm a writer who hasn't written anything.

Yeah, well, we're all writers, aren't we? He's a writer that hasn't been published, and I'm a writer who hasn't written anything.

Steve Martin
A girl who is willing to give every ounce of herself to someone, who could never betray her lover, who never suspects maliciousness of anyone, and whose sexuality sleeps in her, waiting to be stirred.

A girl who is willing to give every ounce of herself to someone, who could never betray her lover, who never suspects maliciousness of anyone, and whose sexuality sleeps in her, waiting to be stirred.

Steve Martin
I have found that-- just as in real life--imagination sometimes has to stand in for experience.

I have found that-- just as in real life--imagination sometimes has to stand in for experience.

Steve Martin
I have heard it said that a complicated childhood can lead to a life in the arts. I tell you this story of my father and me to let you know I am qualified to be a comedian.

I have heard it said that a complicated childhood can lead to a life in the arts. I tell you this story of my father and me to let you know I am qualified to be a comedian.

Steve Martin
A celebrity is any well-known TV or movie star who looks like he spends more than two hours working on his hair.

A celebrity is any well-known TV or movie star who looks like he spends more than two hours working on his hair.

Steve Martin
Or is it that I think too much?

Or is it that I think too much?

Steve Martin
Somewhere in the world is...The world's worst doctor and he could be yours.

Somewhere in the world is...The world's worst doctor and he could be yours.

Steve Martin
Why sip from a tea cup, when you can drink from the river.

Why sip from a tea cup, when you can drink from the river.

Steve Martin
Hello. I'm hello, and I'd like to say myself.

Hello. I'm hello, and I'd like to say myself.

Steve Martin
Only then does he realize what he has done to Mirabelle, how wanting a square inch of her and not all of her has damaged them both, and how he cannot justify his actions except that, well, it was life.

Only then does he realize what he has done to Mirabelle, how wanting a square inch of her and not all of her has damaged them both, and how he cannot justify his actions except that, well, it was life.

Steve Martin
The self-prepared dinner is a great time killer for lonely people and as much time should be spent on it as possible.

The self-prepared dinner is a great time killer for lonely people and as much time should be spent on it as possible.

Steve Martin
Be undeniably good.

Be undeniably good.

Steve Martin
You want to know how I think art should be taught to children? Take them to a museum and say, 'This is art, and you can't do it.

You want to know how I think art should be taught to children? Take them to a museum and say, 'This is art, and you can't do it.

Steve Martin
There are few takers for the quiet heart.

There are few takers for the quiet heart.

Steve Martin
I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.

I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.

Steve Martin
...just remember, darling, it is pain that changes our lives.

...just remember, darling, it is pain that changes our lives.

Steve Martin
With a cheery delicacy she divided my obsessions into three categories: acceptable, unacceptable, and hilarious.

With a cheery delicacy she divided my obsessions into three categories: acceptable, unacceptable, and hilarious.

Steve Martin
When someone less capable is ahead of me, I am not pleased. It makes me insane.

When someone less capable is ahead of me, I am not pleased. It makes me insane.

Steve Martin
She was feeling her bohemian oats.

She was feeling her bohemian oats.

Steve Martin
Lacy was just as happy alone as with company. When she was alone, she was potential; with others she was realized.

Lacy was just as happy alone as with company. When she was alone, she was potential; with others she was realized.

Steve Martin
…when the person beside you is making you alert and keen and the idea of being with anyone else is not imaginable…

…when the person beside you is making you alert and keen and the idea of being with anyone else is not imaginable…

Steve Martin
How many people have never raised their hand before?

How many people have never raised their hand before?

Steve Martin
Mirabelle is attractive; it's just that she is never the first or second girl chosen.

Mirabelle is attractive; it's just that she is never the first or second girl chosen.

Steve Martin
Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey

Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey

Steve Martin
Anyway, seeking work is a tad difficult given the poor design of the streets with their prohibitive curbs and driveways that don't quite line up.

Anyway, seeking work is a tad difficult given the poor design of the streets with their prohibitive curbs and driveways that don't quite line up.

Steve Martin
So, I can hurt now, or hurt later.

So, I can hurt now, or hurt later.

Steve Martin
I just believe that the interesting time in a career is pre-success, what shaped things, how did you get to this point?

I just believe that the interesting time in a career is pre-success, what shaped things, how did you get to this point?

Steve Martin
Unlike Ray Porter, his love is fearless and without reservation.

Unlike Ray Porter, his love is fearless and without reservation.

Steve Martin
I just gave my cat a bath. Now how do I get all this fur off my tounge?

I just gave my cat a bath. Now how do I get all this fur off my tounge?

Steve Martin
I guess I wouldn't believe in anything anymore if it weren't for my lucky astrology mood watch.

I guess I wouldn't believe in anything anymore if it weren't for my lucky astrology mood watch.

Steve Martin
. . . Now you see . . . they' re not fit for humans . . .

. . . Now you see . . . they' re not fit for humans . . ." "Put them on me.

Steve Martin
Mirabelle is not affected by a man’s failures to approach her, as her own self-depreciating attitude never allows the idea that he would in the first place.

Mirabelle is not affected by a man’s failures to approach her, as her own self-depreciating attitude never allows the idea that he would in the first place.

Steve Martin
I couldn't see his face, because the light came in from behind him and he was in shadow, and he said,

I couldn't see his face, because the light came in from behind him and he was in shadow, and he said, "I am Picasso." And I said, "Well, so what?

Steve Martin
She had destroyed whatever was between us by making a profound gaffe: She met me.

She had destroyed whatever was between us by making a profound gaffe: She met me.

Steve Martin
I opened the show with this line:

I opened the show with this line: "I have decided to give the greatest performance of my life! Oh, wait, sorry, that's tomorrow night.

Steve Martin
She is nearing forty and not so easily forgiven as when her skin bloomed like roses.

She is nearing forty and not so easily forgiven as when her skin bloomed like roses.

Steve Martin
Thankfully, perseverance is a great substitute for talent.

Thankfully, perseverance is a great substitute for talent.

Steve Martin
...a young man, Jamaican, perhaps, his head circled in a scarf with sunbleached dreadlocks on piled on top, looking like a plate of soft-shell crabs.

...a young man, Jamaican, perhaps, his head circled in a scarf with sunbleached dreadlocks on piled on top, looking like a plate of soft-shell crabs.

Steve Martin
I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87.

I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87.

Steve Martin
Introductions are hard to come by when your natural state is shyness

Introductions are hard to come by when your natural state is shyness

Steve Martin
...the divided world of Aspen, where locals with a sense of entitlement were pitted against developers with a sense of condominiums.

...the divided world of Aspen, where locals with a sense of entitlement were pitted against developers with a sense of condominiums.

Steve Martin
Being on Twitter is like having a fern.

Being on Twitter is like having a fern.

Steve Martin
So, while fitting in, she was like a wicked detail standing out against a placid background.

So, while fitting in, she was like a wicked detail standing out against a placid background.

Steve Martin
Be tasteless, rude, and offensive,
Live in a swamp and be three dimensional,
Put a live chicken in your underwear,
Get all excited and go to a yawning festival.

Be tasteless, rude, and offensive, Live in a swamp and be three dimensional, Put a live chicken in your underwear, Get all excited and go to a yawning festival.

Steve Martin
Be pompous, obese, and eat cactus 
Be dull and boring and omnipresent 
Criticize things you don't know about 
Be oblong and have your knees removed

Be pompous, obese, and eat cactus Be dull and boring and omnipresent Criticize things you don't know about Be oblong and have your knees removed

Steve Martin
A kiss may not be the truth but it is what we wish were true.”
L.A. Story (1991) – Harris Telemacher (Steve Martin)

A kiss may not be the truth but it is what we wish were true.” L.A. Story (1991) – Harris Telemacher (Steve Martin)

Steve Martin
...teaching is, after all, a form of show business.

...teaching is, after all, a form of show business.

Steve Martin
An apology? Bah! Disgusting! Cowardly! Beneath the dignity of any gentleman, however wrong he might be.

An apology? Bah! Disgusting! Cowardly! Beneath the dignity of any gentleman, however wrong he might be.

Steve Martin
All of life’s riddles are answered in the movies.

All of life’s riddles are answered in the movies.

Steve Martin
She started converting objects of beauty into objects of value.

She started converting objects of beauty into objects of value.

Steve Martin
If you occasionally wonder how I know about some of the events I describe in this book, I don't. I have found that--just as in real life--imagination sometimes has to stand in for experience.

If you occasionally wonder how I know about some of the events I describe in this book, I don't. I have found that--just as in real life--imagination sometimes has to stand in for experience.

Steve Martin
She didn't even finish her last sentence; it just trailed off. I think the subject had changed in her head while her mouth had continued on the old topic, not realizing it was out of supplies.

She didn't even finish her last sentence; it just trailed off. I think the subject had changed in her head while her mouth had continued on the old topic, not realizing it was out of supplies.

Steve Martin
He never complicates a desire by overthinking it, unlike Mirabelle, who spins a cocoon around an idea until it is immobile.

He never complicates a desire by overthinking it, unlike Mirabelle, who spins a cocoon around an idea until it is immobile.

Steve Martin
She has simply never quite learned to walk or hold herself comfortably

She has simply never quite learned to walk or hold herself comfortably

Steve Martin
Comedy is a distortion of what is happening, and there will always be something happening.

Comedy is a distortion of what is happening, and there will always be something happening.

Steve Martin
The overhead lights reflect in the glass countertop and mingle in the gray and black of the gloves, resulting in a mother-of-pearl swirl that sometimes sends Mirabelle into a shallow hypnotic dream.

The overhead lights reflect in the glass countertop and mingle in the gray and black of the gloves, resulting in a mother-of-pearl swirl that sometimes sends Mirabelle into a shallow hypnotic dream.

Steve Martin
Finally, we do become wise, but then it's too late

Finally, we do become wise, but then it's too late

Steve Martin
Thinking too much also creates the illusion of causal connections between unrelated events.

Thinking too much also creates the illusion of causal connections between unrelated events.

Steve Martin
A triangle with four points is what Euclid rides into hell.

A triangle with four points is what Euclid rides into hell.

Steve Martin
He knows only what is right in front of him; she is aware of every incoming sensation that glances obliquely against her soft, fragile core

He knows only what is right in front of him; she is aware of every incoming sensation that glances obliquely against her soft, fragile core

Steve Martin
Harder you Try, Luckier you get

Harder you Try, Luckier you get

Steve Martin
I am tired, so very tired of thinking about Lacey Yeager, yet I worry that unless I write her story down, and see it bound and tidy on my bookshelf, I will be unable to ever write about anything else.

I am tired, so very tired of thinking about Lacey Yeager, yet I worry that unless I write her story down, and see it bound and tidy on my bookshelf, I will be unable to ever write about anything else.

Steve Martin
They told me to just

They told me to just "act like myself." When I said, "How do I do that?" they said to just have fun with it, but I'm not sure what they meant.

Steve Martin
It's so beautiful where I am today that it makes me wonder where I am.

It's so beautiful where I am today that it makes me wonder where I am.

Steve Martin
The dictionary is a perfect example of overalphabetization, with its harsh rules and every little word neatly in place. It almost makes me want to go on a diet of grapes and waste away to nothing.

The dictionary is a perfect example of overalphabetization, with its harsh rules and every little word neatly in place. It almost makes me want to go on a diet of grapes and waste away to nothing.

Steve Martin
The auction houses seemed not as dull as their financial counterparts on Wall Street, where parents of daughters imagined glass celings and bottom patting.

The auction houses seemed not as dull as their financial counterparts on Wall Street, where parents of daughters imagined glass celings and bottom patting.

Steve Martin