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A collection of quotes and thoughts by Steve Allen on government, improve, funny, humor, fake, real, writing, positive, laughter, religion, errors, radio, tv and ideas.

32 Great Steve Allen Quotes That Will Leave You Tickled Pink

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Steve Allen was a celebrated American comedian, writer, television personality, musician, composer and actor. He is best-known as the host of ‘The Tonight Show’. Allen’s agenda, his wittiness, thoughts and variety of characters helped in creating this show a trendsetter among the late night talk shows. He received national recognition when he appeared as guest of honor on ‘Arthur Godfrey’s Talent Scouts’. He hosted multiple shows which include ‘The New Steve Allen Show’ and ‘The Steve Allen Show, I’ve Got A Secret’ amongst others. Throughout his career, Allen has written more than 50 books which include books of opinions and thoughts, novels and children’s books. ‘The Benny Goodman Story’ is one of the noted movies of this Grammy Award winner. The multi-faceted artist owns two stars on the ‘Hollywood Walk Of Fame’ and a Hollywood theatre has been named after him. The following repository contains some notable quotes and sayings by Steve Allen, the scientific skeptic who is till date loved and remembered.

If the Old Testament were a reliable guide in the matter of capital punishment, half the people in the United States would have to be killed tomorrow.

- Steve Allen

Ours is a government of checks and balances. The Mafia and crooked businessmen make out checks, and the politicians and other compromised officials improve their bank balances.

- Steve Allen

Humor is a social lubricant that helps us get over some of the bad spots.

- Steve Allen

If you pray for rain long enough, it eventually does fall. If you pray for floodwaters to abate, they eventually do. The same happens in the absence of prayers.

- Steve Allen

Asthma doesn't seem to bother me any more unless I'm around cigars or dogs. The thing that would bother me most would be a dog smoking a cigar.

- Steve Allen

The hair is real - it's the head that's a fake.

- Steve Allen

Totalitarianism is patriotism institutionalized.

- Steve Allen

If there is a God, the phrase that must disgust him is - holy war.

- Steve Allen

In a rational society we would want our presidents to be teachers. In our actual society we insist they be cheerleaders.

- Steve Allen

There are few pages of history which do not demonstrate that public prayer and ritual never inoculated people against mass-madness and cruelty. What is needed is emphasis on morality and manners.

- Steve Allen

This is The Tonight Show. I can't tell you too much about it, other than the fact that this program is going to go on forever.

- Steve Allen

Physical fitness is in. I recently had a physical fit myself.

- Steve Allen

I'm all for sex. Seven nights a week. Days, too.

- Steve Allen

Civilization itself . . . can easily be swept aside when mob passions are aroused.

- Steve Allen

Millions of Germans had absolute faith in Hitler. Millions of Russians had faith in Stalin. Millions of Chinese had faith in Mao. Billions have had faith in imaginary gods.

- Steve Allen

Thousands of years ago only Christ could walk on the water. Today anybody can do it; you just step on the garbage.

- Steve Allen

Ideas have consequences, and totally erroneous ideas are likely to have destructive consequences.

- Steve Allen

Radio is the theater of the mind; television is the theater of the mindless

- Steve Allen

There is scarcely a page of the Bible on which an open mind does not perceive a contradiction, an unlikely story, an obvious error, an historical impossibility of one sort or another.

- Steve Allen

One of the nice things about problems is that a good many of them do not exist except in our imaginations.

- Steve Allen

I used to be a heavy gambler. But now I just make mental bets. That's how I lost my mind.

- Steve Allen

Dark energy is perhaps the biggest mystery in physics.

- Steve Allen

Son of a bitch! You're Steve Allen!

- The Talk Show Murders, Steve Allen

Without laughter life on our planet would be intolerable. So important is laughter to us that humanity highly rewards members of one of the most unusual professions on earth, those who make a living by inducing laughter in others. This is very strange if you stop to think of it: that otherwise sane and responsible citizens should devote their professional energies to causing others to make sharp, explosive barking-like exhalations.

- Steve Allen

The problem is that once the untrained mind has made a formal commitment to a religious philosophy - and it does not matter whether that philosophy is generally reasonable and high-minded or utterly bizarre and irrational

- Steve Allen

I do not understand those who take little or no interest in the subject of religion. If religion embodies a truth, it is certainly the most important truth of human existence. If it is largely error, then it is one of monumentally tragic proportions—and should be vigorously opposed.

- Steve Allen

There are hundreds of millions who believe the Messiah has come. If he did, then it is unfortunately the case that his heroic sacrifice and death have had no effect whatsoever on the very problem his coming might have been expected to address, for history demonstrates, beyond question, that we Christians have been just as dangerous, singly and en masse, as non-Christians.

- Steve Allen

The Bible is unfortunately unclear on a long list of moral and social questions and sex is one of them. On the one hand, there are expressions of admiration for the reportedly virgin mother of Jesus, but other portions of scripture speak quite accommodatingly of polygamy.

- Steve Allen

The fundamentalist believer is mostly a weird intellectual who often lacks real faith altogether. As a self-appointed attorney for God, who is in no need of attorneys, he very easily turns out to be more godless than the agnostic and the unbeliever. At all events, he seems deaf to poetry.

- Steve Allen

I cannot see how it can be argued that one should speak in tones of reverence and awe about the alleged divine instruction-in Psalms-to grab the defenseless bodies of innocent infants and dash their brains out against the nearest rocks or walls.

- Steve Allen

Impartial observers from other planets would consider ours an utterly bizarre enclave if it were populated by birds, defined as flying animals, that nevertheless rarely or never actually flew. They would also be perplexed if they encountered in our seas, lakes, rivers, and ponds, creatures defined as swimmers that never did any swimming. But they would be even more surprised to encounter a species defined as a thinking animal if, in fact, the creature very rarely indulged in actual thinking.

- Steve Allen

Sometimes things which at the moment may be perceived as obstacles-and actually be obstacles, difficulties, or drawbacks-can in the long run result in some good end which would not have occurred if it had not been for the obstacle.

- Steve Allen