Authors: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

A collection of quotations by Spike Milligan on humor, absurd, funny, life, comedy, death, poetry, love, writing, contraceptives, goon and condoms.

35 Spike Milligan Quotes That Will Make You Laugh Till You Drop

Quick Facts

Famous As: Comedian

Born On: April 16, 1918

Died On: February 27, 2002

Born In: Ahmednagar

Died At Age: 83

The great comedian Spike Milligan was also a skilled poet, writer and actor. He was a multi-talented man who was famous for his comedy shows on television and radio. Spike joined the British Army during the Second World War where he entertained the troops in leisure time. He was serving as a gunman and was severely injured by a bomb shell which forced him to leave the army life. He wanted to pursue a career as a humorist and moved to England. His career started as a writer for a comedy show and he went on to make a comedy radio program called ‘The Goon Show’. The show was then aired by BBC in several countries including Canada and Australia and gained immense popularity. This was the most notable work by Spike. It also inspired his television comedy show ‘The Idiot Weekly, Price 2d’ which also had two sequels to it. As a writer he wrote various proses and poetry categorized as ‘Literary Nonsense’ and even wrote serious literature and recorded his war experiences in seven volumes. We have collected these quotes by Spike to help you have your share of laughter. Read on the compilation of thoughts, sayings and quotes by Spike Milligan which are sure to tickle your funny bone.

Said Hamlet to Ophelia, I'll draw a sketch of thee. What kind of pencil shall I use? 2B or not 2B?

Spike Milligan

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

Spike Milligan

Money can't buy you friends, but you do get a better class of enemy.

Spike Milligan

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

Spike Milligan

My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.

Spike Milligan

I have a body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.

Spike Milligan

I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.

Spike Milligan

If I could write words Like leaves on an autumn forest floor, What a bonfire my letters would make. If I could speak words of water, You would drown when I said "I love you.

Spike Milligan

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

Spike Milligan

I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)

Spike Milligan

Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.

Spike Milligan

General: Where are you from? Spike: London. General: Which part? Spike: ... Well, all of me.

Spike Milligan

After Puckoon I swore I'd never write another book. This is it

Spike Milligan

Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.

Spike Milligan

A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush

Spike Milligan

Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Spike Milligan

My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.

Spike Milligan

What is a Bongaloo, Daddy?" A Bongaloo, Son," said I, Is a tall bag of cheese Plus a Chinaman's knees And the leg of a nanny goat's eye

Spike Milligan

A sure cure for seasickness is to stand underneath a tree.

Spike Milligan

The best cure for sea sickness is to sit under a tree.

Spike Milligan

Pakistani Dalek: Put him in the cur-ry

Spike Milligan

Professor Milligan will now play his tree! The composition is in A Minor, the tree is in A garden.

Spike Milligan

A family man from Siberia As a father was very inferior But one operation Revised the situation And now he's Mother Superior

Spike Milligan

Patience, thought Milligan, that word was invented by dull buggers who couldn't think quick enough.

Spike Milligan

Everybody has to be somewhere!

Spike Milligan

Author, author, did you write these legs?( The Milligan- Puckoon

Spike Milligan

With a roof over his head he had ceased to work, living off his [war] pension and his wits, both hopelessly inadequate.

Spike Milligan

The width of neck and shoulder suggested a rugby player, the broken nose confirmed it. Which shows just how wrong you can be as he never played the game in his life.

Spike Milligan

Author? Author? Did you write these legs?' 'Yes." 'Well, I don't like dem. I don't like 'em at all at all. I could ha' writted better legs meself.

Spike Milligan

Therec all the rage, Cab Calaway wears one.

Spike Milligan

The clock in the church tower said 4.32, as it had done for three hundred years. It was right once a day and that was better than no clock at all.

Spike Milligan

I told you I was ill. (On Millian's headstone)

Spike Milligan

R.I.P. Tom Conlon O'Rourke. Not Dead, just Sleeping.

Spike Milligan

I told you I was sick.

Spike Milligan

My sister Laura's bigger than me And lifts me up quite easily. I can't lift her, I've tried and tried; She must have something heavy inside.

Spike Milligan