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A collection of quotes by Robert Benchley on funny, humor, opera, stabbed, fame, writing, pets, death, drinking, acting, travel and paradox.

28 Top Robert Benchley Quotes For Your Dose Of Laughter

Quick Facts

Famous As: Humorist

Born On: October 15, 1889

Died On: September 21, 1945

Died At Age: 55

Robert Benchley was a famous American actor, humorist and writer. He was great at extracurricular activities during his school and college served as the art editor and in Harvard University and joined the board of directors for ‘Harvard Lampoon’. His writing skills landed him up in the ‘New York Tribune’ where he became the chief writer and wrote articles on various topics. Thereafter, he served as chief editor of the magazine ‘Vanity Fair’. During his initial days Robert was never stable at any job and had to do a lot of freelance work for survival. While being a freelancer he even worked as a theater actor where his role in a comic drama ‘The Treasurer’s Report’ was appreciated by the masses. He adapted the play into a short film which turned out to be a huge success. This further paved his way into films and he did a small role in ‘The Sport Parade’ and also collaborated to write the screenplay. This encouraged him to make his short film ‘How to Sleep’, which gave him his first bite at stardom and turned his career towards mainstream Hollywood. This short movie received ‘Academy Award’ for the ‘Best Short Subject’. He has worked through several media and shared his thoughts and ideas over different things. His thoughts, dialogues and sayings have, over the years, become popular as his quotes. His thoughts and quotations tackle the most serious and sensitive topics in a lighter tone. Here are few of Robert Benchley’s notable quotes.

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.

Robert Benchley

The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.

Robert Benchley

It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.

Robert Benchley

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.

Robert Benchley

There are two kinds of travel: first class and with children.

Robert Benchley

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.

Robert Benchley

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.

Robert Benchley

There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't.

Robert Benchley

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.

Robert Benchley

The only cure for a real hangover is death.

Robert Benchley

We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born.

Robert Benchley

The free-lance writer is one who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.

Robert Benchley

Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, owing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about.

Robert Benchley

Central Park is the grandiose symbol of the front yard each child in New York hasn't got.

Robert Benchley

After an author has been dead for some time, it becomes increasingly difficult for his publishers to get a new book out of him each year.

Robert Benchley

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

Robert Benchley

I can't bring myself to say, 'Well, I guess I'll be toddling along.' It isn't that I can't toddle. It's just that I can't guess I'll toddle.

Robert Benchley

Streets flooded. Please advise.

Robert Benchley

Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother who lets him have one

Robert Benchley

New York - The city where the people from Oshkosh look at the people from Dubuque in the next theater seats and say "These New Yorkers don't dress any better than we do.

Robert Benchley

If there is a streak of ham anywhere in an actor, Shakespeare will bring it out.

Robert Benchley

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.

Robert Benchley

People who begin sentences with "I may be old-fashioned but—" are usually not only old-fashioned but wrong.

Robert Benchley

One, two, three / Buckle my shoe.

Robert Benchley

As for me, except for an occasional heart attack, I feel as young as I ever did.

Robert Benchley

A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated.

Robert Benchley

There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them." Robert Benchley (1889-1945)

Robert Benchley

One of the easiest forms of pretense to break down is the pretense of enthusiasm for exotic foods. Just bring on the exotic foods.

Robert Benchley