Authors: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

A collection of quotes and thoughts by Rita Rudner on humor, marriage, money, men, dating, cooking, funny, life, relations, pain, women, writing and work.

25 Great Rita Rudner Quotes That Will Make You Laugh Your Heart Out

Quick Facts

Famous As: Comedian

Born On: September 17, 1953

Born In: Miami, Florida, U.S

Rita Rudner is a famous American actor, screenwriter, and comedian. She is well-known for her light sense of humor aiming at the relationship between men and women. She aspired to become a dancer during the early days of her career and soon performed at a couple of Broadway productions. She soon changed her career and appeared in more than 60 television commercials. In a short span of time, her life witnessed her first firm step as a comedian when she appeared on a successful comedy show with some famous comedians. Her multi-talented personality helped her become a regular face on television. She further went on to work for some of the most reputed comedy shows like ‘9th Annual Comedians Special’. She even played a solo role which was seen as a breakthrough of her career and was well received by the masses. She went on to publish her first book ‘Naked Beneath My Clothes’ which turned out to be a bestseller. This encouraged her to further write some more best-selling novels including ‘Guide to Men’. We often come across her funny quotes on social media and other places. Here is a collection of quotations and sayings by the celebrated artist. Go through the most notable quotes and thoughts by Rita Rudner which will tickle your funny bones.

I love to sleep. Do you? Isn't it great? It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious.

Rita Rudner

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Rita Rudner

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.

Rita Rudner

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen

Rita Rudner

A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

Rita Rudner

Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replay in sports. They've already forgotten what's happened.

Rita Rudner

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

Rita Rudner

How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?

Rita Rudner

I never panic when I get lost. I just change where it is I want to go.

Rita Rudner

Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.

Rita Rudner

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpets or ruin our lives.

Rita Rudner

When I met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always

Rita Rudner

When I meet a man I ask myself, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?

Rita Rudner

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' on what? On fire?

Rita Rudner

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

Rita Rudner

Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.

Rita Rudner

Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

Rita Rudner

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

Rita Rudner

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married adn I didn't want him to.

Rita Rudner

I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.

Rita Rudner

My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.

Rita Rudner

When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other.

Rita Rudner

I don't panic when I get lost. I just change where I want to go.

Rita Rudner

My mother buried three husbands...and two of them were only napping.

Rita Rudner

When I eventually met Mr. Right, I had no idea his first name was Always.

Rita Rudner