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25 Great Rita Rudner Quotes That Will Make You Laugh Your Heart Out

Famous As: Comedian
Born On: September 17, 1953
Born In: Miami, Florida, United States
Age: 69 Years
Rita Rudner is a famous American actor, screenwriter, and comedian. She is well-known for her light sense of humor aiming at the relationship between men and women. She aspired to become a dancer during the early days of her career and soon performed at a couple of Broadway productions. She soon changed her career and appeared in more than 60 television commercials. In a short span of time, her life witnessed her first firm step as a comedian when she appeared on a successful comedy show with some famous comedians. Her multi-talented personality helped her become a regular face on television. She further went on to work for some of the most reputed comedy shows like ‘9th Annual Comedians Special’. She even played a solo role which was seen as a breakthrough of her career and was well received by the masses. She went on to publish her first book ‘Naked Beneath My Clothes’ which turned out to be a bestseller. This encouraged her to further write some more best-selling novels including ‘Guide to Men’. We often come across her funny quotes on social media and other places. Here is a collection of quotations and sayings by the celebrated artist. Go through the most notable quotes and thoughts by Rita Rudner which will tickle your funny bones.
I love to sleep. Do you? Isn't it great? It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious.

I love to sleep. Do you? Isn't it great? It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious.

Rita Rudner
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Rita Rudner
Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.

Rita Rudner
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen

Rita Rudner
A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

Rita Rudner
Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replay in sports. They've already forgotten what's happened.

Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replay in sports. They've already forgotten what's happened.

Rita Rudner
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

Rita Rudner
I never panic when I get lost. I just change where it is I want to go.

I never panic when I get lost. I just change where it is I want to go.

Rita Rudner
How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?

How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?

Rita Rudner
Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.

Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.

Rita Rudner
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpets or ruin our lives.

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpets or ruin our lives.

Rita Rudner
When I met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always

When I met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always

Rita Rudner
When I meet a man I ask myself, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?

When I meet a man I ask myself, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?

Rita Rudner
Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' on what? On fire?

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' on what? On fire?

Rita Rudner
Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

Rita Rudner
In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

Rita Rudner
Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

Rita Rudner
Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.

Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.

Rita Rudner
My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married adn I didn't want him to.

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married adn I didn't want him to.

Rita Rudner
I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.

I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.

Rita Rudner
I don't panic when I get lost. I just change where I want to go.

I don't panic when I get lost. I just change where I want to go.

Rita Rudner
My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.

My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.

Rita Rudner
When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other.

When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other.

Rita Rudner
My mother buried three husbands...and two of them were only napping.

My mother buried three husbands...and two of them were only napping.

Rita Rudner
When I eventually met Mr. Right, I had no idea his first name was Always.

When I eventually met Mr. Right, I had no idea his first name was Always.

Rita Rudner