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17 Famous Quotes By Phyllis Diller That Will Leave You Grinning Like A Cheshire Cat

Famous As: Comedian, Actress
Born On: July 17, 1917
Died On: August 20, 2012
Born In: Lima, Ohio, United States
Died At Age: 95
Phyllis Diller was an august American stand-up comedian and actress, recognized for her self-deprecating humor, her exaggerated crackling laugh, aberrant stage persona, and her unique clothes and hair. She was one of the first female comics to gain immense popularity with her innovative stand-up comedy. She had a great influence on Ellen DeGeneres, Joan Rivers, and Roseanne Barr. She is regarded as a gay icon and had a large gay following. She was highly recognized by the society for openly championing plastic surgery. We have curated some funny and meaningful quotes by Phyllis Diller, which have been excerpted from her gigs, movies, dialogues, one liners, catchphrases, etc. 
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Phyllis Diller
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

Phyllis Diller
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.

Phyllis Diller
We spend the first 12 months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next 12 months teaching them to sit down and shut up.

We spend the first 12 months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next 12 months teaching them to sit down and shut up.

Phyllis Diller
I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Phyllis Diller
My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.

Phyllis Diller
Housework won't kill you, but then again, why take the chance?

Housework won't kill you, but then again, why take the chance?

Phyllis Diller
Money's scarce
Times are hard
Here's your fucking
Xmas card

Money's scarce Times are hard Here's your fucking Xmas card

Phyllis Diller
Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.

Phyllis Diller
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

Phyllis Diller
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

Phyllis Diller
I've buried a lot of my laundry in the back yard.

I've buried a lot of my laundry in the back yard.

Phyllis Diller
A smile is a curve that sets things right.

A smile is a curve that sets things right.

Phyllis Diller
Just the other day I said to Fang,

Just the other day I said to Fang, "Don't you think we've got a storybook romance?" and he said, "Yes, and every page is ripped.

Phyllis Diller
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance.

Phyllis Diller
It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder, and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.

It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder, and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.

Phyllis Diller
My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.

My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.

Phyllis Diller