Authors: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

A collection of thoughts and quotes by Patton Oswalt on humor, gender, femininity, zombies, comedy, experience, inspiration, satire, life, books and liquor.

22 Top Patton Oswalt Quotes For Your Daily Doze Of Laughter

Famous As: Stand-up Comedian
Born On: January 27, 1969
Born In: Portsmouth, Virginia, United States
Patton Peter Oswalt is an American actor, writer, stand-up comedian and voice actor, who has carved a niche for himself as the most popular stand up comedians in both films and television. Oswalt studied at Broad Run High School and then studied English at College of William and Mary, before embarking on a career as a stand up comedian. He worked primarily as a stand-up comedian from late 1980s through to the mid 1990s but he got a big break when he started writing for MADtv. His work as a writer led to roles as an actor and one of the most memorable one remains in the show ‘The King of Queens’ as Spence Olchin. Oswalt is also famous for playing a range of roles in the ABC series ‘Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D’. Oswalt also lent his voice to the main protagonist in the film Ratatouille and has continued to be regarded as one of the noted voice actors in Hollywood. Among his stand-up comic acts, the 2016 show ‘Patton Oswalt: Talking for Clapping’ has been particularly noteworthy and also won him an ‘Emmy for Outstanding Writing’. Whatever he has said or written have become quite famous as his quotes and thoughts and is quoted extensively. His thoughts and quotations tackle the most serious and sensitive topics in a lighter tone. Here are few of Patton Oswalt’s notable quotes.

I had a romance novel inside me, but I paid three sailors to beat it out of me with steel pipes.

Patton Oswalt

If the victories we create in our heads were let loose on reality, the world we know would drown in blazing happiness.

Patton Oswalt

Zombies can't believe the energy we waste on nonfood pursuits.

Patton Oswalt

I want to experience as many different tastes, sights, emotions, conflicts, and cultures as possible, so that I can expand the canvas of my memory and enrich my comedy.

Patton Oswalt

People will find transformation and transcendence in a McDonald's hash brown if it's all they've got.

Patton Oswalt

Cheap liquor is a magic potion that can turn you into a puppet cowboy before it kills you.

Patton Oswalt

Its gaze unlocked a room in my nightmares which should have remained closed.

Patton Oswalt

Anything's better than Gen X which is what we got. Thanks Douglas Coupland. We sound like a team of mutant vigalantees with frosted hair and chain wallets. Actually that's not completely horrible.

Patton Oswalt

Hobos' (a slang term that combines the words 'hope' and 'bowl of beans given to me for free by a woman who then initiated intercourse')

Patton Oswalt

Every zombie story is fundamentally about a breakdown of order, with the infrastructure intact. That infrastructure might be on fire, yes.

Patton Oswalt

And you'll walk in rolling your eyes and you'll walk out whistling sadly through your teeth because the fuel of the Nerd Mafia is disappointment and exclusion. - On the Watchmen movie

Patton Oswalt

I visited Surrey in the early fall of 1994, and I would return only if I was tasked to kill a demon to save the world. Maybe not even then. Sorry, Surrey. Sorry, world. Yay, hypothetical demon.

Patton Oswalt

I don't care how high my shrink increases my Lexapro dosage - I WANT TO BE A ROBOT THAT HELPS WOLVES HAVE SEX. Otherwise my parents threw away the money they spent on my college education.

Patton Oswalt

Comedy and terror and autobiography and comics and literature-they're all the same thing. To me.

Patton Oswalt

Eight people show up. The emcee is warm, friendly, and about as funny as Shoah. I take the stage to the sound of, my hand to God, one person clapping once and only once, and then I start into my act.

Patton Oswalt

I suspected, around the time I graduated college, that we're all versions of targets, fired at by indifferent events. If that was the case, then I wanted to be a moving target.

Patton Oswalt

I've been very lucky in my life in terms of people who are able to tolerate me.

Patton Oswalt

He smelled like carpeting, Scotch tape, and steak sauce.

Patton Oswalt

Imitation leads to exhilaration when you follow it back to its source.

Patton Oswalt

If someone like this were to like me, to like my comedy, and to like the way I conduct myself professionally, it would mean that I suck as a person.

Patton Oswalt

Part of being in your twenties is not knowing an ally when you see one.

Patton Oswalt

The great ones show you what you can get away with. The shitty ones remind you what never to bother with.

Patton Oswalt