Authors: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Memorable quotes by PG Wodehouse on life, love, friendship, marriage and other things.

100 Memorable Quotes By PG Wodehouse That Will Fill You With Hope

Quick Facts

Famous As: Playwright and Author

Born On: October 15, 1881

Died On: February 14, 1975

Born In: England, UK

Died At Age: 93

Have you ever made someone laugh with your written work? If yes, then you would know how hard it is to purposefully write something that would incite a smile on someone’s face. Well, that calls for a round of appreciation for our humourists for they have not only mastered the art of storytelling but have become proficient at comedy as well. And while talking of humourists, one cannot just fathom the contribution made by PG Wodehouse in English literature. An author, comic novelist, short story writer, lyricist and playwright, Wodehouse believed that it was his easy take on life that allowed him to take a humorous view of things. Wodehouse’s writing started a legacy that survives in his characters most of which are still touted as the best in comic fiction. So, whether it is the feather-brained Bertie Wooster or the wise valet, Jeeves, the immaculate and loquacious Psmith or tell-tale man Mr Mulliner, each of them carry the legacy of Wodehouse’s brilliance till date. And just as his characters, fresh out of a woven classic comic fiction even today, Wodehouse quotes too are small gems of wisdom that have not lost their shine and sparkle, despite withstanding the test of time. Interestingly, he has penned quotes for every occasion and every situation. Read through the following section and get hold of some of the Quotes by PG Wodehouse. They sure will leave you smilingly with hope.

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There is no surer foundation for a beautiful friendship than a mutual taste in literature.

P G Wodehouse

And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.

P G Wodehouse

The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.

P G Wodehouse

He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more.

P G Wodehouse

It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.

P G Wodehouse

Red hair, sir, in my opinion, is dangerous.

P G Wodehouse

There are moments, Jeeves, when one asks oneself, 'Do trousers matter?'" "The mood will pass, sir.

P G Wodehouse

At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in the later seventies.

P G Wodehouse

He had the look of one who had drunk the cup of life and found a dead beetle at the bottom.

P G Wodehouse

Everything in life that’s any fun, as somebody wisely observed, is either immoral, illegal or fattening.

P G Wodehouse

I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.

P G Wodehouse

What ho!" I said. "What ho!" said Motty. "What ho! What ho!" "What ho! What ho! What ho!" After that it seemed rather difficult to go on with the conversation.

P G Wodehouse

She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say "when".

P G Wodehouse

I always advise people never to give advice.

P G Wodehouse

A melancholy-looking man, he had the appearance of one who has searched for the leak in life's gas-pipe with a lighted candle.

P G Wodehouse

If there is one thing I dislike, it is the man who tries to air his grievances when I wish to air mine.

P G Wodehouse

I know I was writing stories when I was five. I don't know what I did before that. Just loafed, I suppose.

P G Wodehouse

Unseen in the background, Fate was quietly slipping lead into the boxing-glove.

P G Wodehouse

Mike nodded. A sombre nod. The nod Napoleon might have given if somebody had met him in 1812 and said, "So, you're back from Moscow, eh?

P G Wodehouse

It was one of those parties where you cough twice before you speak and then decide not to say it after all.

P G Wodehouse

I am not always good and noble. I am the hero of this story, but I have my off moments.

P G Wodehouse

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

P G Wodehouse

Marriage is not a process for prolonging the life of love, sir. It merely mummifies its corpse.

P G Wodehouse

There is only one cure for grey hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

P G Wodehouse

If he had a mind, there was something on it.

P G Wodehouse

You would not enjoy Nietzsche, sir. He is fundamentally unsound.

P G Wodehouse

In a series of events, all of which had been a bit thick, this, in his opinion, achieved the maximum of thickness.

P G Wodehouse

I just sit at my typewriter and curse a bit.

P G Wodehouse

As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people.

P G Wodehouse

She looked away. Her attitude seemed to suggest that she had finished with him, and would be obliged if somebody would come and sweep him up.

P G Wodehouse

I hadn't the heart to touch my breakfast. I told Jeeves to drink it himself.

P G Wodehouse

What's the use of a great city having temptations if fellows don't yield to them?

P G Wodehouse

It is true of course, that I have a will of iron, but it can be switched off if the circumstances seem to demand it.

P G Wodehouse

I pressed down the mental accelerator. The old lemon throbbed fiercely. I got an idea.

P G Wodehouse

It is no use telling me there are bad aunts and good aunts. At the core, they are all alike. Sooner or later, out pops the cloven hoof.

P G Wodehouse

Some minds are like soup in a poor restaurant—better left unstirred.

P G Wodehouse

As for Gussie Finknottle, many an experienced undertaker would have been deceived by his appearance and started embalming on sight.

P G Wodehouse

Whenever I get that sad, depressed feeling, I go out and kill a policeman.

P G Wodehouse

Love is a delicate plant that needs constant tending and nurturing, and this cannot be done by snorting at the adored object like a gas explosion and calling her friends lice.

P G Wodehouse

Well, you know, there are limits to the sacred claims of friendship.

P G Wodehouse

Hell, it is well known, has no fury like a woman who wants her tea and can't get it.

P G Wodehouse

She fitted into my biggest arm-chair as if it had been built round her by someone who knew they were wearing arm-chairs tight about the hips that season

P G Wodehouse

He felt like a man who, chasing rainbows, has had one of them suddenly turn and bite him in the leg.

P G Wodehouse

She had more curves than a scenic railway

P G Wodehouse

The drowsy stillness of the afternoon was shattered by what sounded to his strained senses like G.K. Chesterton falling on a sheet of tin.

P G Wodehouse

-'What do ties matter, Jeeves, at a time like this?' There is no time, sir, at which ties do not matter

P G Wodehouse

We Woosters do not lightly forget. At least, we do - some things - appointments, and people's birthdays, and letters to post, and all that - but not an absolutely bally insult like the above.

P G Wodehouse

I am Psmith," said the old Etonian reverently. "There is a preliminary P before the name. This, however, is silent. Like the tomb. Compare such words as ptarmigan, psalm, and phthisis.

P G Wodehouse

Employers are like horses — they require management.

P G Wodehouse

It was one of the dullest speeches I ever heard. The Agee woman told us for three quarters of an hour how she came to write her beastly book, when a simple apology was all that was required.

P G Wodehouse

An apple a day, if well aimed, keeps the doctor away.

P G Wodehouse

Intoxicated? The word did not express it by a mile. He was oiled, boiled, fried, plastered, whiffled, sozzled, and blotto.

P G Wodehouse

Gussie, a glutton for punishment, stared at himself in the mirror.

P G Wodehouse

I suppose half the time Shakespeare just shoved down anything that came into his head.

P G Wodehouse

When a girl uses six derogatory adjectives in her attempt to paint the portrait of the loved one, it means something. One may indicate a merely temporary tiff. Six is big stuff.

P G Wodehouse

You're one of those guys who can make a party just by leaving it. It's a great gift.

P G Wodehouse

You can't be a successful Dictator and design women's underclothing.

P G Wodehouse

To find a man's true character, play golf with him.

P G Wodehouse

I mean, if you're asking a fellow to come out of a room so that you can dismember him with a carving knife, it's absurd to tack a 'sir' on to every sentence. The two things don't go together.

P G Wodehouse

Has anybody ever seen a drama critic in the daytime? Of course not. They come out after dark, up to no good.

P G Wodehouse

I can detach myself from the world. If there is a better world to detach oneself from than the one functioning at the moment I have yet to hear of it.

P G Wodehouse

I don't know if you know it, J.B., but you're the sort of fellow who causes hundreds to fall under suspicion when he's found stabbed in his library with a paper-knife of Oriental design.

P G Wodehouse

Warm-hearted! I should think he has to wear asbestos vests!

P G Wodehouse

I marmaladed a slice of toast with something of a flourish and I don't suppose I have ever come much closer to saying 'Tra la la' as I did the lathering for I was feeling in mid season form this morning.

P G Wodehouse

...it has been well said that it is precisely these moments when we are feeling that ours is the world and everything that's in it that Fate selects for sneaking up on us with the rock in the stocking.

P G Wodehouse

Jeeves, you really are a specific dream-rabbit." "Thank you, miss. I am glad to have given satisfaction.

P G Wodehouse

Oh, I don't know, you know, don't you know?

P G Wodehouse

I remember her telling me once that rabbits were the gnomes in attendance to the Fairy Queen and that the stars were God's daisy chain. Perfect rot, of course.

P G Wodehouse

[I'm] as broke as the ten commandments.

P G Wodehouse

I expect I shall feel better after tea.

P G Wodehouse

This was not Aunt Dahlia, my good and kindly aunt, but my Aunt Agatha, the one who chews broken bottles and kills rats with her teeth.

P G Wodehouse

I spent the afternoon musing on Life. If you come to think of it, what a queer thing Life is! So unlike anything else, don't you know, if you see what I mean.

P G Wodehouse

Why do dachshunds wear their ears inside out?

P G Wodehouse

It is the bungled crime that brings remorse.

P G Wodehouse

No one so dislikes being punished unjustly as the person who might have been punished justly on scores of previous occasions, if he had only been found out.

P G Wodehouse

Providence looks after all the chumps of this world, and personally, I'm all for it.

P G Wodehouse

Everything is relative. you, for instance, are my relative.

P G Wodehouse

The ideas of debtor and creditor as to what constitutes a good time never coincide.

P G Wodehouse

She looked like something that might have occured to Ibsen in one of his less frivolous moments.

P G Wodehouse

It was my Uncle George who discovered alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought.

P G Wodehouse

Woman is the unfathomable, incalculable mystery, the problem that we men can never hope to solve.

P G Wodehouse

When you're alone you don't do much laughing.

P G Wodehouse

He was a Frenchman, a melancholy-looking man. His aspect was that of one who has been looking for the leak in a gas pipe with a lighted candle.

P G Wodehouse

Well, you certainly are the most wonderfully woolly baa-lamb that ever stepped.

P G Wodehouse

It has been well said that an author who expects results from a first novel is in a position similar to that of a man who drops a rose petal down the Grand Canyon of Arizona and listens for the echo.

P G Wodehouse

I suppose he must have taken about a nine or something in hats. Shows what a rotten thing it is to let your brain develop too much.

P G Wodehouse

When you have been just told that the girl you love is definitely betrothed to another, you begin to understand how Anarchists must feel when the bomb goes off too soon.

P G Wodehouse

Say what you will, there is something fine about our old aristocracy. I'll bet Trotsky couldn't hit a moving secretary with an egg on a dark night.

P G Wodehouse

Her pupils were at once her salvation and her despair. They gave her the means of supporting life, but they made life hardly worth supporting.

P G Wodehouse

The least thing upset him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows.

P G Wodehouse

This is peculiarly an age in which each of us may, if he do but search diligently, find the literature suited to his mental powers.

P G Wodehouse

A girl who bonnets a policeman with an ashcan full of bottles is obviously good wife-and-mother timber.

P G Wodehouse

What a queer thing Life is! So unlike anything else, don't you know, if you see what I mean.

P G Wodehouse

There was a sound in the background like a distant sheep coughing gently on a mountainside. Jeeves sailing into action.

P G Wodehouse

It isn't often that Aunt Dahlia lets her angry passions rise, but when she does, strong men climb trees and pull them up after them.

P G Wodehouse

She's a sort of human vampire-bat

P G Wodehouse

As a dancer, I out-Fred the nimblest Astaire.

P G Wodehouse

Well, there it is. That's Jeeves. Where others merely smite the brow and clutch the hair, he acts. Napoleon was the same.

P G Wodehouse

Every author really wants to have letters printed in the paper. Unable to make the grade, he drops down a rung of the ladder and writes novels.

P G Wodehouse

One prefers, of course, on all occasions to be stainless and above reproach, but, failing that, the next best thing is unquestionably to have got rid of the body.

P G Wodehouse