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Johnny Carson quotes on happiness, politics, death, time, success, etc.

25 Thought-Provoking Quotes By Johnny Carson

Famous As: Television Host
Born On: October 23, 1925
Died On: January 23, 2005
Born In: Corning, Iowa, United States
Died At Age: 79

Johnny Carson was a prominent American comedian, television host, producer and writer. He is renowned as the host of ‘The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson.’ In 1987, he was inducted into the ‘Television Academy Hall of Fame.’ He earned the ‘Governor’s Award,’ a ‘Peabody Award,’ and six ‘Emmy Awards’ for his phenomenal work. He was also awarded the ‘Kennedy Centre Honor’ and the ‘Presidential Medal of Freedom.’ We bring to you a treasury of views, opinions and thoughts of Johnny Carson taken from his interviews, shows and gigs. Take a look at the compendium of popular quotes by Johnny Carson on drinking, death, democracy, happiness, humor, positivity, comedy, emotions, education, people, time, success, work, politics, etc.

Find me any performer anywhere who isn't egocentric. You'd better believe you're good, or you've got no business being out there.

Johnny Carson

Everybody I meet in public seems to want to audition for me. If I ask a guy what time it is, he'll sing it to me.

Johnny Carson

Entertainment is like any other major industry; it's cold, big business. The business end wants to know one thing: Can you do the job? If you can, you're in, you're made; if you can't, you're out.

Johnny Carson

Egyptian President Sadat had a belly dancer entertain President Nixon at a state dinner. Mr. Nixon was really impressed. He hadn't seen contortions like that since Rose Mary Woods.

Johnny Carson

Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman.

Johnny Carson

Did you know Richard Nixon is the only president whose formal portrait was painted by a police sketch artist?

Johnny Carson

Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.

Johnny Carson

Democracy means free television, not good television, but free.

Johnny Carson

Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto. Usually a mop or a leaf blower.

Johnny Carson

Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.

Johnny Carson

Believe me, you don't walk away from the kind of money you make with a daily television show. You might get awful tired of it sometimes, but take a second look at the check and you get less tired right away.

Johnny Carson

Audiences have proved time and again that they don't want a steady diet of any entertainer airing his social views - especially if he's a comedian.

Johnny Carson

As you all know by now, this is the 51st annual Academy Awards. Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.

Johnny Carson

As long as I don't commit any crimes, you have no right to judge me except by my performance as a professional. On that level, you're welcome to think whatever you want about me.

Johnny Carson

As for being sociable, I hate the phoniness in the showbiz world. I know this will be taken wrong, but I don't like clubs and organizations. I was never a joiner.

Johnny Carson

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.

Johnny Carson

An oxymoron? What's that? A moron who studies at Oxford?

Johnny Carson

Air Canada. That's a good name for a Canadian airline.

Johnny Carson

Adults ask questions as a child does. When you stop wondering, you might as well put your rocker on the front porch and call it a day.

Johnny Carson

According to statistics, it's a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: you don't hear from your relatives.

Johnny Carson

A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry-that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island.

Johnny Carson

Americans, too many of them, take themselves too seriously. You're going to get rapped - by the viewers, by the sponsors and by the network brass - if you joke about doctors, lawyers, dentists, scientists, bus drivers, I don't care who. You can't make a joke about Catholics, Negroes, Jews, Italians, politicians, dogs or cats. In fact, politicians, dogs and cats are the most sacred institutions in America.

Johnny Carson

Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead. And, unlike communism, democracy does not mean having just one ineffective political party; it means having two ineffective political parties.

Johnny Carson

Democracy is the eagle on the back of a dollar bill, with 13 arrows in one claw, 13 leaves on a branch, 13 tail feathers, and 13 stars over its head - this signifies that when the white man came to this country, it was bad luck for the Indians, bad luck for the trees, bad luck for the wildlife, and lights out for the American eagle.

Johnny Carson

Despite the fact that computer speeds are measured in nanoseconds and picoseconds - one billionth and one trillionth of a second, respectively - the smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.

Johnny Carson