Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.
A book is a gift you can open again and again.
Nothing you do for children is ever wasted.
I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.
When in doubt, look intelligent.
Thank you, dear God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.
You get old and you realize there are no answers, just stories.
One reads books in order to gain the privilege of living more than one life. People who don't read are trapped in a mine shaft, even if they think the sun is shining.
The French have a new president, the British will soon have a new P.M., and we envy them as we endure the endless wait for this small dim man to go back to Texas and resume his life.
A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded gun on your coffee table- There's nothing wrong with them, but it's hard to stop thinking about.
A young writer is easily tempted by the allusive and ethereal and ironic and reflective, but the declarative is at the bottom of most good writing.
A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.
Evelyn was an insomniac so when they say she died in her sleep, you have to question that.
God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.
It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars.
That's the news from Lake Woebegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.
Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known.
Life is unjust and this is what makes it so beautiful. Every day is a gift. Be brave and take hold of it.
Intelligence is like four-wheel drive. It only allows you to get stuck in more remote places.
Sex is good, but not as good as fresh sweet corn.
I've seen the truth, and it makes no sense.
The most un-American thing you can say is, 'You can't say that.
Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad to realize that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
It is a sin to believe evil of others but it is seldom a mistake.
Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.
Know the quiet place within your heart and touch the rainbow of possibility; be alive to the gentle breeze of communication, and please stop being such a jerk.
If you lived today as if it were your last, you'd buy up a box of rockets and fire them all off, wouldn't you?
We come from people who brought us up to believe that life is a struggle, and if you should feel really happy, be patient: this will pass.
