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A collection of thoughts and quotes by Fred Allen on humor, satire, celebrities, fact, radio, entertainment, mind, power and genealogy.

22 Fred Allen Quotes To Give You Your Daily Doze Of Laughter

Quick Facts

Famous As: American comedian

Born On: May 31, 1894

Died On: March 17, 1956

Born In: Cambridge, Massachusetts

Died At Age: 61

Fred Florence Sullivan, renowned by his professional moniker Fred Allen, was a U.S. comedian who rose to prominence in the 20th century. He is particularly famous for being one of the most well-known radio comedians of his era. Allen had been a piano enthusiast from an early age and while he worked for the Boston Public Library, he took up a job at a piano company. However, after reading about comedies in his spare time at the library he took it seriously and also learnt juggling so that he could work in the vaudeville scene. Before long he became a popular comic and juggler, not only in his native Boston but also in the more lucrative New York circuit. Allen not only became a popular comic in the vaudeville circuit but also in Broadway. However, it was as a radio comic that he shot to fame and his work in ‘The Fred Allen Show’ is particularly famous. His comedy was absurdist in nature and at the time, it became a huge hit as he became one of the biggest icons of an era that was called the ‘Golden Age of American Radio’. Here is a collection of some of his greatest quotes that have been excerpted from his work, writings, shows and life. Read on the thoughts and quotations of Fred Allen that will lift your spirits besides tickling your funny bone.

I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me.

Fred Allen

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to be well-known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

Fred Allen

I can't understand why a person will take a year or two to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.

Fred Allen

California is a fine place to live, if you happen to be an orange.

Fred Allen

A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.

Fred Allen

A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.

Fred Allen

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer’s heart.

Fred Allen

Televisio is a vehicle that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.

Fred Allen

It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.

Fred Allen

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.

Fred Allen

The last time I saw him he was walking down Lover's Lane holding his own hand.

Fred Allen

All I know about humour is that I don't know anything about it.

Fred Allen

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.

Fred Allen

Advertising is 85% confusion and 15% commission.

Fred Allen

Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.

Fred Allen

I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.

Fred Allen

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

Fred Allen

Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.

Fred Allen

A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.

Fred Allen

You only live once. But if you work it right, once is enough.

Fred Allen

A group of people who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done

Fred Allen

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Fred Allen