Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the heck she is.
I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.
You know, it's hard work to write a book. I can't tell you how many times I really get going on an idea, then my quill breaks. Or I spill ink all over my writing tunic.
Procrastinate now, don't put it off.
The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren't any space aliens. We can't be the best that creation has to offer. I pray we're not all there is. If so, we're in big trouble.
In the beginning there was nothing. God said, ‘Let there be light!’ And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.
Sometimes you can't see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others.
Beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin. It's about knowing and accepting who you are.
When you take risks you learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when you fail, and both are equally important.
You should never assume. You know what happens when you assume. You make an ass out of you and me because that's how it's spelled.
My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The pina and the colada.
I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that.
Life is short. If you doubt me, ask a butterfly. Their average life span is a mere five to fourteen days.
True beauty is not related to what color your hair is or what color your eyes are. True beauty is about who you are as a human being, your principles, your moral compass.
Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system.
I don't need a baby growing inside me for nine months. If I'm going to feel nauseous and achy when I wake up, I want to achieve that state the old-fashioned way: getting good and drunk the night before.
People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.
Follow your passion. Stay true to yourself. Never follow someone else's path unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path. By all means, you should follow that.
I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon.
I'm so unfamiliar with the gym, I call it James!
It makes a big difference in your life when you stay positive.
Procrastination is not the problem. It is the solution. Procrastinate now, don’t put it off.
It's failure that gives you the proper perspective on success.
I personally like being unique. I like being my own person with my own style and my own opinions and my own toothbrush.
I wonder what will happen if i put a hand cream on my feet, will they get confused and start clapping?
Take a nap in a fireplace and you'll sleep like a log.
Leaning forward in your chair when someone is trying to squeeze behind you isn't enough. You also have to move the chair.
Our flaws are what makes us human. If we can accept them as part of who we are, they really don't even have to be an issue.
Things will get easier, people's minds will change, and you should be alive to see it.
When life gives you lemons....they could really be oranges.
My life is perfect even when it's not.
One time I actually cleaned out my closet so good I ended up on the cover of Time magazine.
The thing everyone should realize is that the key to happiness is being happy for yourself and yourself.
So be who you really are. Embrace who you are. Literally. Hug yourself. Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.
Answers to Frequently Asked Questions: Yes. Yes. No. One time in high school. Three times in my twenties. Rocks no salt. Yes. Four. Never. And how dare you! I will take no further questions.
Dan: 'Ah, well, I hope this didn't have anything to do with me.' Ellen: 'No, not unless you played Cat Woman in Batman.
Baloney is just salami with an inferiority complex.
Haiku sounds like I'm Saying hi to someone named Ku. Hi, Ku. Hello.
You just have to keep driving down the road. It's going to bend and curve and you'll speed up and slow down, but the road keeps going.
It always helps to think about other people instead of ourselves.
Above all things physical, it is more important to be beautiful on the inside - to have a big hear and an open mind and a spectacular spleen.
If we don’t want to define ourselves by things as superficial as our appearances, we’re stuck with the revolting alternative of being judged by our actions.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.
Haters are my motivators
I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut.
If someone ever says you’re weird, say thank you.
Emote. It's okay. It shows you are thinking and feeling.
I hope I make people feel better. I hope I take people out of their situations a little bit and make them happier. That's really why I do what I do.
Why is it that when you wipe up dust its called dusting but when you wipe up a spill its not called spilling? Just something to think about.
I prefer to believe that people are good and honest and respect me enough to tell me the truth. It's not easy to find those people all the time, but they're out there.
It's funny how cucumber water can taste so much better than pickle juice, even though they come from the same source.
When I look back on the stuff I used to wear, I wonder why somebody didn't try to stop me. Just a friendly warning, "You may regret this," would have been fine.
Be kind to one another. Bye, bye.
Never follow anyone else's path, unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.
The problem with labels is that they lead to stereotypes and stereotypes lead to generalizations and generalizations lead to assumptions and assumptions lead back to stereotypes.
Quick decision makers are often stuck behind annoying people in line at Starbucks.
I was raised around heterosexuals, as all heterosexuals are, that's where us gay people come from... you heterosexuals.
Here are the values that I stand for: honesty, equality, kindness, compassion, treating people the way you want to be treated and helping those in need. To me, those are traditional values.
I enjoy growing older and wiser and learning from my mistakes every single day.
I think there's too much mult-tasking going on. I think people need to quiet down and focus and be still more.
I think beauty comes from actually knowing who you are. That's real beauty to me.
Being a teenager and figuring out who you are is hard enough without someone attacking you
The only way a no-legged leopard could hurt you is if it fell out of a tree onto your head.
Do you live each day as if it's your first or your last? Either way you should probably have a diaper on.
You're never too old to play. You're only too old for low-rise jeans.
Sometimes the greatest things are the most embarrassing.
That's what life is all about. There's a lot of crying. So you'd better cry now and get used to it.
So let that be a lesson, kids who get an F in math. Ellen says you’re doing the right thing. You’re welcome, parents.
There are all sorts of books offering advice on how to deal with life-threatening situations, but where's the advice on dealing with embarrassing ones?
I like to stretch my mind by reading and writing and watching educational TV shows like The Bachelor to learn the complex mating rituals of heterosexuals.
True beauty is about who you are as a human being, your principles, your moral compass.
Be kind to one another .
I get those fleeting, beautiful moments of inner peace and stillness - and then the other 23 hours and 45 minutes of the day, I'm a human trying to make it through in this world.
People have become so accustomed to texting that they're actually startled when the phone rings. It's like we suddenly all have Bat-phones. If it rings, there must be danger.
Though you feel you're not where you're suppose to be, you shouldn't worry because that next turn that you take, it will lead you to where you wanna go.
The world is filled with negativity. I want people to watch me and think, “I feel good, and I’m going to make somebody else feel good today.
...we should be grateful for them because without our family—the ancestors we descend from, the cousins we see once a year, the loves our lives we see every day—life is pretty boring.
I stand for honesty, equality, kindness, compassion, treating people the way you want to be treated & helping those in need. To me, those are traditional values. That's what I stand for.
Live your dreams.
No one is perfect, except for Penélope Cruz.
To me, beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin.
If we lived each day as our last, I bet we’d all be a lot more honest with people, because we wouldn’t have to care what people think anymore.
If someone ever says you’re weird, say thank you. And then curtsy. No, don’t curtsy. That might be too weird. Bow. And tip your imaginary hat. That’ll show them.
Gratitude is looking on the brighter side of life, even if it means hurting your eyes.
What you look like on the outside is not what makes you cool... I mean, I had a mullet and I wore parachute pants for a long, long time. And I'm doing ok
It always helps to think about other people instead of just ourselves.
 Wear what you want, love who you want, and have fun. )
Enjoy your life. God gave us our bodies as a gift. (Granted, to some of us it's kind of a gag gift, but that's okay too.) Wear what you want, love who you want, and have fun.
Happiness comes from within. You have the power to change your own mind-set so that all the negative, horrible thoughts that try to invade your psyche are replaced with happy, positive, wonderful thoughts.
You never know what funny can do.
When we learn to accept that, other people learn to accept us. So be who you really are. Embrace who you are. Literally. Hug yourself. Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.
Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Little endorphin… Little endorphin who?… Little endorphin Annie.” And then the endorphins laugh, and then you laugh. See? It’s science.
How come when you wipe up dust it’s called dusting but when you wipe up a spill it’s not called spilling? There’s something to think about.
To me beauty is being comfortable in your own skin. It's about knowing and accepting who you are.
If you have to say you're kidding, it might not be a great joke.
...there are a lot of self-righteous people out there. And if you try to adjust your life to please them...you're just going to go crazy and risk being as unhappy as these self-righteous kooks are.
Knowledge is power and you need power in this world. You need as many advantages as you can get.
I stand for honesty, equality, kindness, compassion, treating people the way you want to be treated, and helping those in need. To me those are traditional values." -- Ellen Degeneres
I don’t know when it became socially acceptable to be late.
Another. If someone
