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121 Quotes By Dorothy Parker For Cultivating Take No Prisoners Attitude

Famous As: American Poet, Critic & Satirist Who Was Known for Her Wit, Wisecracks, and Eye for 20th-Century Urban Foibles
Born On: August 22, 1893
Died On: June 7, 1967
Born In: Long Branch, New Jersey, United States
Died At Age: 73

Dorothy Parker was a famed American critic, short story writer, poet and satirist. She is till date revered for her wisecracks and wit. Parker had a troubled childhood, but she broke the shackles of her past and gained recognition not just for her literary publications in ‘The New Yorker’ but also as the charter member of the ‘Algonquin Round Table’. When the circle parted ways, she moved to Hollywood to pursue a career in screenwriting. She also bagged in two ‘Academy Award’ nominations for her prolific writing. Her involvement in left-wing politics however, led her to Hollywood blacklist. Nevertheless, her literary works, thoughts, opinions and writings have endured up to this date. As luck would have it many of her thoughts, sayings, words and quotes fit the bill in today’s world. Read through the popular quotes and thoughts by Dorothy Parker to have a glimpse at her funny side.

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Women and elephants never forget.

Women and elephants never forget.

Dorothy Parker
[On the ringing of her doorbell or telephone:] What fresh hell is this?

[On the ringing of her doorbell or telephone:] What fresh hell is this?

Dorothy Parker
Telegram to a friend who had just become a mother after a prolonged pregnancy: Good work, Mary. We all knew you had it in you.

Telegram to a friend who had just become a mother after a prolonged pregnancy: Good work, Mary. We all knew you had it in you.

Dorothy Parker
The Monte Carlo casino refused to admit me until I was properly dressed so I went and found my stockings, and then came back and lost my shirt.

The Monte Carlo casino refused to admit me until I was properly dressed so I went and found my stockings, and then came back and lost my shirt.

Dorothy Parker
Bewildered is the fox who lives to find that grapes beyond reach can be really sour.

Bewildered is the fox who lives to find that grapes beyond reach can be really sour.

Dorothy Parker
Hollywood money isn't money. It's congealed snow, melts in your hand, and there you are.

Hollywood money isn't money. It's congealed snow, melts in your hand, and there you are.

Dorothy Parker
I was always sweet, at first. Oh, it's so easy to be sweet to people before you love them.

I was always sweet, at first. Oh, it's so easy to be sweet to people before you love them.

Dorothy Parker
[On hearing that Clare Boothe Luce was invariably kind to her inferiors:] And where does she find them?

[On hearing that Clare Boothe Luce was invariably kind to her inferiors:] And where does she find them?

Dorothy Parker
What ever beauty may be it has for its basis order and for its essence unity Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

What ever beauty may be it has for its basis order and for its essence unity Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

Dorothy Parker
Well, there are always those who cannot distinguish between glitter and glamour . . . the glamour of Isadora Duncan came from her great, torn, bewildered, foolhardy soul.

Well, there are always those who cannot distinguish between glitter and glamour . . . the glamour of Isadora Duncan came from her great, torn, bewildered, foolhardy soul.

Dorothy Parker
Vice is nice, but liquor is quicker.

Vice is nice, but liquor is quicker.

Dorothy Parker
The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.

The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.

Dorothy Parker
Writing well is the best revenge.

Writing well is the best revenge.

Dorothy Parker
There's a hell of a distance between wisecracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.

There's a hell of a distance between wisecracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.

Dorothy Parker
Now, look, baby, 'Union' is spelled with 5 letters. It is not a four-letter word.

Now, look, baby, 'Union' is spelled with 5 letters. It is not a four-letter word.

Dorothy Parker
Ducking for apples -- change one letter and it's the story of my life.

Ducking for apples -- change one letter and it's the story of my life.

Dorothy Parker
This is me apologizing. I am a fool, a bird-brain, a liar and a horse-thief. I wouldn't touch a superlative again with an umbrella.

This is me apologizing. I am a fool, a bird-brain, a liar and a horse-thief. I wouldn't touch a superlative again with an umbrella.

Dorothy Parker
[On Katharine Hepburn's stage performance:] She ran the whole gamut of emotions, from A to B.

[On Katharine Hepburn's stage performance:] She ran the whole gamut of emotions, from A to B.

Dorothy Parker
The cleverest woman on earth is the biggest fool on earth with a man.

The cleverest woman on earth is the biggest fool on earth with a man.

Dorothy Parker
Now I know the things I know, and I do the things I do; and if you do not like me so, to hell, my love, with you!

Now I know the things I know, and I do the things I do; and if you do not like me so, to hell, my love, with you!

Dorothy Parker
That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them.

That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them.

Dorothy Parker
The affair between Margot Asquinth and Margot Asquinth will live as one of the prettiest love stories in all literature.

The affair between Margot Asquinth and Margot Asquinth will live as one of the prettiest love stories in all literature.

Dorothy Parker
Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.

Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.

Dorothy Parker
Where unwilling dies the rose; buds the new another year.

Where unwilling dies the rose; buds the new another year.

Dorothy Parker
They tire of quiet, that have known the storm

They tire of quiet, that have known the storm

Dorothy Parker
Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.

Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.

Dorothy Parker
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

Dorothy Parker
I know this will come as a shock to you, Mr. Goldwyn, but in all history, which has held billions and billions of human beings, not a single one ever had a happy ending.

I know this will come as a shock to you, Mr. Goldwyn, but in all history, which has held billions and billions of human beings, not a single one ever had a happy ending.

Dorothy Parker
People ought to be one of two things, young or dead.

People ought to be one of two things, young or dead.

Dorothy Parker
[After she and Clare Boothe Luce met in a doorway and the latter said, 'Age before beauty':] Pearls before swine.

[After she and Clare Boothe Luce met in a doorway and the latter said, 'Age before beauty':] Pearls before swine.

Dorothy Parker
If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised.

If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised.

Dorothy Parker
Excuse me, everybody, I have to go to the bathroom. I really have to telephone, but I'm too embarrassed to say so.

Excuse me, everybody, I have to go to the bathroom. I really have to telephone, but I'm too embarrassed to say so.

Dorothy Parker
Salary is no object: I want only enough to keep body and soul apart.

Salary is no object: I want only enough to keep body and soul apart.

Dorothy Parker
I might repeat to myself . . . a list of quotations from minds profound - if I can remember any of the damn things.

I might repeat to myself . . . a list of quotations from minds profound - if I can remember any of the damn things.

Dorothy Parker
His voice was as intimate as the rustle of sheets.

His voice was as intimate as the rustle of sheets.

Dorothy Parker
And if my heart be scarred and burned, The safer, I, for all I learned.

And if my heart be scarred and burned, The safer, I, for all I learned.

Dorothy Parker
Constant use had not worn ragged the fabric of their friendship.

Constant use had not worn ragged the fabric of their friendship.

Dorothy Parker
The writer's way is rough and lonely, and who would choose it while there are vacancies in more gracious professions, such as, say, cleaning out ferryboats?

The writer's way is rough and lonely, and who would choose it while there are vacancies in more gracious professions, such as, say, cleaning out ferryboats?

Dorothy Parker
Most good women are hidden treasures who are only safe because nobody looks for them.

Most good women are hidden treasures who are only safe because nobody looks for them.

Dorothy Parker
If I didn't care for fun and such, I'd probably amount to much, but I shall stay the way I am, because I do not give a damn.

If I didn't care for fun and such, I'd probably amount to much, but I shall stay the way I am, because I do not give a damn.

Dorothy Parker
[On being shown an apartment by a real estate agent:] Oh, dear, that's much too big. All I need is room enough to lay a hat and a few friends.

[On being shown an apartment by a real estate agent:] Oh, dear, that's much too big. All I need is room enough to lay a hat and a few friends.

Dorothy Parker
It may be that this autobiography [Aimee Semple McPherson's] is set down in sincerity, frankness, and simple effort. It may be, too, that the Statue of Liberty is situated in Lake Ontario.

It may be that this autobiography [Aimee Semple McPherson's] is set down in sincerity, frankness, and simple effort. It may be, too, that the Statue of Liberty is situated in Lake Ontario.

Dorothy Parker
Her mind lives tidily, apart from cold and noise and pain. And bolts the door against her heart, out wailing in the rain.

Her mind lives tidily, apart from cold and noise and pain. And bolts the door against her heart, out wailing in the rain.

Dorothy Parker
Where's the man that could ease a heart like a satin gown?

Where's the man that could ease a heart like a satin gown?

Dorothy Parker
Hollywood is the one place on earth where you could die of encouragement.

Hollywood is the one place on earth where you could die of encouragement.

Dorothy Parker
Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it and it darts away.

Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it and it darts away.

Dorothy Parker
Said after she had been seriously ill: The doctors were very brave about it.

Said after she had been seriously ill: The doctors were very brave about it.

Dorothy Parker
A list of authors who have made themselves most beloved and therefore, most comfortable financially, shows that it is our national joy to mistake for the first-rate, the fecund rate.

A list of authors who have made themselves most beloved and therefore, most comfortable financially, shows that it is our national joy to mistake for the first-rate, the fecund rate.

Dorothy Parker
Drink and dance and laugh and lie, Love, the reeling midnight through, For tomorrow we shall die! (But, alas, we never do.)

Drink and dance and laugh and lie, Love, the reeling midnight through, For tomorrow we shall die! (But, alas, we never do.)

Dorothy Parker
All I have to be thankful for in this world is that I was sitting down when my garter busted.

All I have to be thankful for in this world is that I was sitting down when my garter busted.

Dorothy Parker
Prince or commoner, tenor or bass, Painter or plumber or never-do-well, Do me a favor and shut your face - Poets alone should kiss and tell.

Prince or commoner, tenor or bass, Painter or plumber or never-do-well, Do me a favor and shut your face - Poets alone should kiss and tell.

Dorothy Parker
Quick!! Act as if nothing has happened!

Quick!! Act as if nothing has happened!

Dorothy Parker
Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song, a medley of extemporanea, And love is a thing that can never go wrong, and I am Marie of Romania.

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song, a medley of extemporanea, And love is a thing that can never go wrong, and I am Marie of Romania.

Dorothy Parker
Why, after all, should readers never be harrowed?  Surely there is enough happiness in life without having to go to books for it.

Why, after all, should readers never be harrowed? Surely there is enough happiness in life without having to go to books for it.

Dorothy Parker
Once, when I was young and true. Someone left me sad - Broke my brittle heart in two; And that is very bad. Love is for unlucky folk, Love is but a curse. Once there was a heart I broke; And that, I think, is worse.

Once, when I was young and true. Someone left me sad - Broke my brittle heart in two; And that is very bad. Love is for unlucky folk, Love is but a curse. Once there was a heart I broke; And that, I think, is worse.

Dorothy Parker
Three highballs, and I think I'm St. Francis of Assisi.

Three highballs, and I think I'm St. Francis of Assisi.

Dorothy Parker
When you have to apologize, it is well, I suppose, to get the thing over quickly ...

When you have to apologize, it is well, I suppose, to get the thing over quickly ...

Dorothy Parker
Four be the things I'd have been better without: love, curiosity, freckles and doubt.

Four be the things I'd have been better without: love, curiosity, freckles and doubt.

Dorothy Parker
[Hospitalized and pressing the nurse's button before dictating letters to her secretary:] This should assure us of at least forty-five minutes of undisturbed privacy.

[Hospitalized and pressing the nurse's button before dictating letters to her secretary:] This should assure us of at least forty-five minutes of undisturbed privacy.

Dorothy Parker
The sweeter the apple, the blacker the core. Scratch a lover and find a foe!

The sweeter the apple, the blacker the core. Scratch a lover and find a foe!

Dorothy Parker
Newton's Fourth Law: Every action has an equal and opposite satisfaction.

Newton's Fourth Law: Every action has an equal and opposite satisfaction.

Dorothy Parker
It's not the tragedies that kill us; it's the messes.

It's not the tragedies that kill us; it's the messes.

Dorothy Parker
On lady novelists: As artists they're rot, but as providers they're oil wells; they gush. Norris said she never wrote a story unless it was fun to do. I understand Ferber whistles at her typewriter.

On lady novelists: As artists they're rot, but as providers they're oil wells; they gush. Norris said she never wrote a story unless it was fun to do. I understand Ferber whistles at her typewriter.

Dorothy Parker
The definition of eternity is two people and a ham.

The definition of eternity is two people and a ham.

Dorothy Parker
By the time you swear you're his, Shivering and sighing. And he vows his passion is, Infinite, undying. Lady make note of this -- One of you is lying.

By the time you swear you're his, Shivering and sighing. And he vows his passion is, Infinite, undying. Lady make note of this -- One of you is lying.

Dorothy Parker
I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.

I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.

Dorothy Parker
I hate almost all rich people, but I think I’d be darling at it.

I hate almost all rich people, but I think I’d be darling at it.

Dorothy Parker
But I don't give up; I forget why not.

But I don't give up; I forget why not.

Dorothy Parker
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

Dorothy Parker
I'd like to have money. And I'd like to be a good writer. These two can come together, and I hope they will, but if that's too adorable, I'd rather have money.

I'd like to have money. And I'd like to be a good writer. These two can come together, and I hope they will, but if that's too adorable, I'd rather have money.

Dorothy Parker
You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.

You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.

Dorothy Parker
I like best to have one book in my hand, and a stack of others on the floor beside me, so as to know the supply of poppy and mandragora will not run out before the small hours.

I like best to have one book in my hand, and a stack of others on the floor beside me, so as to know the supply of poppy and mandragora will not run out before the small hours.

Dorothy Parker
Of Orson Welles: It's like meeting God without dying.

Of Orson Welles: It's like meeting God without dying.

Dorothy Parker
Writing is the art of applying the ass to the seat.

Writing is the art of applying the ass to the seat.

Dorothy Parker
It turns out that, at social gatherings, as a source of entertainment, conviviality, and good fun, I rank somewhere between a sprig of parsley and a single ice-skate.

It turns out that, at social gatherings, as a source of entertainment, conviviality, and good fun, I rank somewhere between a sprig of parsley and a single ice-skate.

Dorothy Parker
Genius can write on the back of old envelopes but mere talent requires the finest stationery available.

Genius can write on the back of old envelopes but mere talent requires the finest stationery available.

Dorothy Parker
Misfortune, and recited misfortune especially, can be prolonged to the point where it ceases to excite pity and arouses only irritation.

Misfortune, and recited misfortune especially, can be prolonged to the point where it ceases to excite pity and arouses only irritation.

Dorothy Parker
You do what you can, and you do it because you should. But all you can do is all you can do.

You do what you can, and you do it because you should. But all you can do is all you can do.

Dorothy Parker
If all the young ladies who attended the Yale promenade dance were laid end to end, no one would be the least surprised.

If all the young ladies who attended the Yale promenade dance were laid end to end, no one would be the least surprised.

Dorothy Parker
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.

Dorothy Parker
Those who have mastered etiquette, who are entirely, impeccably right, would seem to arrive at a point of exquisite dullness.

Those who have mastered etiquette, who are entirely, impeccably right, would seem to arrive at a point of exquisite dullness.

Dorothy Parker
Oh, seek, my love, your newer way; I'll not be left in sorrow. So long as I have yesterday, Go take your damned tomorrow!

Oh, seek, my love, your newer way; I'll not be left in sorrow. So long as I have yesterday, Go take your damned tomorrow!

Dorothy Parker
Honesty means nothing until you are tested under circumstances where you are sure you could get away with dishonesty.

Honesty means nothing until you are tested under circumstances where you are sure you could get away with dishonesty.

Dorothy Parker
That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.

That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.

Dorothy Parker
Q: What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone? A: You can't hear an enzyme.

Q: What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone? A: You can't hear an enzyme.

Dorothy Parker
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

Dorothy Parker
If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you.

If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you.

Dorothy Parker
You can't teach an old dogma new tricks.

You can't teach an old dogma new tricks.

Dorothy Parker
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Dorothy Parker
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

Dorothy Parker
I hate writing, I love having written.

I hate writing, I love having written.

Dorothy Parker
I'm not a writer with a drinking problem, I'm a drinker with a writing problem.

I'm not a writer with a drinking problem, I'm a drinker with a writing problem.

Dorothy Parker
Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

Dorothy Parker
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Dorothy Parker
Every year, back comes Spring, with nasty little birds yapping their fool heads off and the ground all mucked up with plants.

Every year, back comes Spring, with nasty little birds yapping their fool heads off and the ground all mucked up with plants.

Dorothy Parker
Years are only garments, and you either wear them with style all your life, or else you go dowdy to the grave.

Years are only garments, and you either wear them with style all your life, or else you go dowdy to the grave.

Dorothy Parker
If you want to know what God thinks about money, just look at the people He gives it to.

If you want to know what God thinks about money, just look at the people He gives it to.

Dorothy Parker
Creativity is a wild mind and a disciplined eye.

Creativity is a wild mind and a disciplined eye.

Dorothy Parker
Never throw mud: you can miss the target, but your hands will remain dirty.

Never throw mud: you can miss the target, but your hands will remain dirty.

Dorothy Parker
I like to have a martini, Two at the very most. After three I'm under the table, after four I'm under my host.

I like to have a martini, Two at the very most. After three I'm under the table, after four I'm under my host.

Dorothy Parker
The only dependable law of life - everything is always worse than you thought it was going to be.

The only dependable law of life - everything is always worse than you thought it was going to be.

Dorothy Parker
The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.

The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.

Dorothy Parker