Like with any good art form, if you can entertain people and make them think, it's an honor. It's just an honor to be a comedian.
I think things just happen to people. That's healthier, I feel, than believing there's some grand scheme where your story is already inscribed in the Book of Life. Books get rewritten.
It's still a soft R, but when I watch other people's standup, I'm dumbfounded that people call me dirty. That's only because I did family television.
One of the first things I ever did was 'Critical Condition.' That was before 'Full House.' It was a Richard Pryor movie. I didn't have a giant part, but I was in it throughout. I loved the heck out of it.
Now I've literally become neighborhood watch. I call 911 on people. I'm the old man driving 25-miles-per-hour down Sunset.
The whole thing for me is that I did 'Full House' and 'America's Funniest Home Videos,' and I look like a dentist, and I'm a dad. Being known as a dirty comedian turned into this weird thing. It's people's image of me.
There's just something about the audiences in Detroit that I've always felt connected to. Detroit is different.
I had enough therapy to know when I broke it down, it became clearer to me: Yes, comedy was kind of a cleansing thing for me to do.
I really love standup because it's something that I've been literally doing for 40 years, which means I'm a thousand years old.
I have a couple of jokes that are politically oriented, but it just sickens me to do them.
People learn English from 'Full House.' Candace's husband, Valeri Bure, he learned to speak English watching it... 'Aw, nuts.' 'You got it, dude.'
When you're famous, you're always famous. It doesn't go away.
I wasn't the first choice for the role of Danny Tanner. Betty White was. Not true, but there was another actor whom they had shot the pilot with.
I love performing. I love the people. I sound like Liza Minnelli right now, don't I?
I've just never been a person that was political or religiously savvy. Except for the fact that I was born Jewish. That gives me 10 circumcision jokes.
I was so depressed for so many years over trying to become a working comedian that my sense of self-worth would plummet.
I have nine compartments in my brain, and four of them don't stop.
I never expected to live this long.
It's interesting to talk to young comedians. I love it because it makes me go, 'Oh, that's how I can be funny.'
I've never not felt relevant.
Soon, I'm going to meet somebody around my own age, and she's going to be smart and beautiful, and I'm going to date her daughter.
I never went to camp as a kid. I couldn't get into an Ivy League school. I wouldn't join a biker club.
My confidence wavers between being genuine and being insecure.
I don't censor myself, but I don't want to force my sick-skewed version of the world, either.
25, 30 years ago, that meant something, they were making some money. And they were doing all sorts of comedy, screaming at the audience, basically crowd control. And then there was the whole urban comedy scene.
What I have now are good problems of trying to decide and what I really want to do is good work next. My phone's ringing a lot more and I've got nine lines so when it doesn't ring, it's very frustrating.
I think Desperate Housewives is a pretty good show, I watch it, I like it and I don't love reality tv that much. I do watch some, I've got three daughters so we'll watch the good stuff, the fun stuff.
It's 103 comedians, or however many it is, and how would everyone tell it. It's enough people of substance that it makes you think of the people who aren't there that are alive.
Paul Riser tells it in an interesting way; he dissects it and tells the structure, you know, 'you don't mention that part here.' But that's what's interesting about it and the people who are absent are interesting too.
The nature of comedy is 'just do it.' But I think what's interesting about it is this joke has been around and why. And it's just saying what's wrong and how wrong can you be if you say it.
