Authors: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

90 Memorable Quotes By Bill Maher, The Author Of New Rules

Famous As: Comedian & Talk-Show Host Known for His Political Talk Shows: ‘Real Time with Bill Maher’ & ‘Politically Incorrect’
Born On: January 20, 1956
Born In: New York, New York, United States
Age: 68 Years

William Maher, better known as Bill Maher, is a television show host, actor, political and social commentator, producer and media critic from the United States, who has become an iconic figure across the world due to his ability to deliver hard hitting truths in a humorous way. Maher was born in New York and studied History and English at the prestigious Cornell University, before embarking on a career as a standup comedian. His career started off as a standup comedian in New York but in 1993 Maher got his big break with the talk show ‘Politically Incorrect’. The show won a slew of awards and made him a cultural icon of America. After it came to an end, Maher started hosting another talk show titled ‘Real Time with Bill Maher’ on HBO in 2003 and he has been associated with the show since. Maher’s views on religion, politics and society have influenced people for as long as he has been a talk showhost. Needless to say, Maher is also an extremely smooth orator and has delivered thousands of brilliant one-liners throughout his broadcasting career. Here are some of the better known quotes from Bill Maher that you would surely enjoy.

Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.

Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.

Bill Maher
Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me - I quit!

Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me - I quit!

Bill Maher
I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.

I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.

Bill Maher
The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them." (The Decider, July 21, 2007)

Bill Maher
Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat they got?

Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat they got?

Bill Maher
Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake--you know, to send the right message to kids.

Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake--you know, to send the right message to kids.

Bill Maher
I'll show you Obama's birth certificate when you show me Sarah Palin's high school diploma.

I'll show you Obama's birth certificate when you show me Sarah Palin's high school diploma.

Bill Maher
Don't get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance.

Don't get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance.

Bill Maher
We have a Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.

We have a Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.

Bill Maher
I think religion is a neurological disorder.

I think religion is a neurological disorder.

Bill Maher
Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex.

Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex.

Bill Maher
We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels & free thinkers. It's overrun with sheep & conformists.

We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels & free thinkers. It's overrun with sheep & conformists.

Bill Maher
That's what's so great about the Internet. It allows pompous blow-hards to connect with other pompous blow-hards in a vast circle-jerk of pomposity.

That's what's so great about the Internet. It allows pompous blow-hards to connect with other pompous blow-hards in a vast circle-jerk of pomposity.

Bill Maher
Atheism is a religion like abstinence is a sex position.

Atheism is a religion like abstinence is a sex position.

Bill Maher
The Bible looks like it started out as a game of mad libs.

The Bible looks like it started out as a game of mad libs.

Bill Maher
I wouldn't touch a hot dog unless you put a condom on it! You realize that the job of a hot dog is to use parts of the animal that the Chinese can't figure out how to make into a belt? -timecode 1:11:10

I wouldn't touch a hot dog unless you put a condom on it! You realize that the job of a hot dog is to use parts of the animal that the Chinese can't figure out how to make into a belt? -timecode 1:11:10

Bill Maher
Saying someone is religious is heard in most of America as a compliment, a reassuring affirmation that someone will be moral, ethical, and after a few glasses of wine, a freak in the bedroom.

Saying someone is religious is heard in most of America as a compliment, a reassuring affirmation that someone will be moral, ethical, and after a few glasses of wine, a freak in the bedroom.

Bill Maher
You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash.

You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash.

Bill Maher
The true axis of evil in America is the brilliance of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people.

The true axis of evil in America is the brilliance of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people.

Bill Maher
Be out of the mainstream. I'm out of the mainstream. I enjoy it, who wants to be in the mainstream?

Be out of the mainstream. I'm out of the mainstream. I enjoy it, who wants to be in the mainstream?

Bill Maher
To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click 'I agree'.

To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click 'I agree'.

Bill Maher
I find that the world is changing much, much faster than I can even bitch about it.

I find that the world is changing much, much faster than I can even bitch about it.

Bill Maher
Don't you miss the days when America was just MORALLY bankrupt?

Don't you miss the days when America was just MORALLY bankrupt?

Bill Maher
If it weren't for acid, you might not have an IPod, and you definitely would not have some of the best music in your IPod.

If it weren't for acid, you might not have an IPod, and you definitely would not have some of the best music in your IPod.

Bill Maher
You know... there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time.... husband!!!

You know... there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time.... husband!!!

Bill Maher
Republicans are taking the defeat over Health Care as well as Tiger Woods took to marriage.

Republicans are taking the defeat over Health Care as well as Tiger Woods took to marriage.

Bill Maher
Now, I'm no doctor, but I am on TV. And in my professional opinion, George Bush is a paranoid schizophrenic.

Now, I'm no doctor, but I am on TV. And in my professional opinion, George Bush is a paranoid schizophrenic.

Bill Maher
The

The "Power of One" is a slogan--not a goal.

Bill Maher
You know, if you're an American and you're born at this time in history especially, you're lucky. We all are. We won the world history Powerball lottery.

You know, if you're an American and you're born at this time in history especially, you're lucky. We all are. We won the world history Powerball lottery.

Bill Maher
When opportunity knocks all some people can do is complain about the noise.

When opportunity knocks all some people can do is complain about the noise.

Bill Maher