I'm tired of this back-slappin' "isn't humanity neat" bullshit. We're a virus with shoes.
We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.
Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye.
The whole image is that eternal suffering awaits anyone who questions God's infinite love. That's the message we're brought up with, isn't it? Believe or die! Thank you, forgiving Lord, for all those options.
I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.
I loved when Bush came out and said, 'We are losing the war against drugs.' You know what that implies? There's a war being fought, and the people on drugs are winning it.
The worst kind of non-smokers are the ones that come up to you and cough. That's pretty fucking cruel isn't it? Do you go up to cripples and dance too?
Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn’t the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit . . . unnatural?
It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.
The definition of black irony is Pro-lifers killing Doctors who do abortions
I get a kick out of being an outsider constantly. It allows me to be creative. I don't like anything in the mainstream and they don't like me.
I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out.
Oh sorry, I was taking life seriously.
I can't watch TV longer than five minutes without praying for nuclear holocaust.
I'm sorry if any of you are catholic. I'm not sorry if you're offended, I'm actually just sorry by the fact that you're catholic
I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, "My dad can beat up your dad." I'd say Yeah? When?
I smoke to fill the potholes in my soul
It's just a ride.
Life is only a dream and we are the imagination of ourselves.
Not all drugs are good.. some of them are great
I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your fuckin' mouth.
I believe everyone has this fuckin' poem in his heart.
Let me tell you about gays in the military. I don't want any gay people hanging around me while I'm killing kids. I just don't want to see it.
When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.
On the theft of his material by Denis Leary: "I have a scoop for you. I stole his act. I camouflaged it with punchlines, and to really throw people off, I did it before he did.
We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution.
It's great to be here. I thank you. Ah, I've been on the road doing comedy for ten years now, so bear with me while I plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time.
Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one.
I left in love, in laughter, and in truth, and wherever truth, love and laughter abide, I am there in spirit.
Listen, the next revolution is gonna be a revolution of ideas.
It is, and has been, and will forever be, this world of ours, a fucking joke.
They Want You To Be A Docile Apathetic Consumer
The whole image is that eternal suffering awaits anyone who questions God's infinite love. That's the message we're brought up with? Believe or die! Thank you, forgiving Lord, for all those options
What are you reading for?
It's not a war on drugs, it's a war on personal freedom.
I don't want any gay people hanging around me while I'm killing kids. I just don't want to see it.
Life is only a dream and we are only the imagination of ourselves.
By the way, if anyone here is in advertising or marketing, kill yourself.
It's all about money, not freedom, y'all, okay? Nothing to do with fuckin' freedom. If you think you're free, try going somewhere without fucking money, okay?
Hitler had the right idea, he was just an underachiever.
I need my sleep. I need about eight hours a day, and about ten at night.