If a man doesn't know how to dance he doesn't know how to make love, there I said it!
If I start giving people what they like I'll turn into one of them and I don't want to be one of them I want to be one of me.
....maybe fear is God's way of saying, "Pay attention, this could be fun.
I love zombies. If any monster could Riverdance, it would be zombies.
I think when you become a parent you go from being a star in the movie of your own life to the supporting player in the movie of someone else's.
I didn't say no because between safety and adventure I choose adventure.
If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjacent to cocaine.
Everything I think of now is too rude to actually say.
You gotta laugh because if you didn't you'd cry
Anyone who's just driven 90 yards against huge men trying to kill them has earned the right to do Jazz hands.
Whether I or anyone else accepted the concept of alcoholism as a disease didn't matter; what mattered was that when treated as a disease, those who suffered from it were most likely to recover.
I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. Its a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.
Thanks cows. I appreciate your tastiness.
I don't just like sexual double entendres I love them, I stroke them, I milk them, I spank them when they're naughty.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling the truth. I know it isn’t fashionable.
I'm gonna enjoy being old I think I'll be awesome at it.
Its easier to feel a little more spiritual with a couple of bucks in your pocket.
I'm always a bit shy around evil people...
I freely admit I'm confused. I'm a confused and troubled individual but at the same time...Its Free!
Twas the night before Thanksgiving. All the food's in the oven. And I'm in the bedroom performin' self lovin'.
Every day I ran to that book like it was a bottle of whiskey and crawled inside because it was a world that I had at least some control over, and slowly, in time, it began to take shape.
When in doubt about who's to blame. Blame the English.
Canada is not the party. Its the apartment above the party.
You better watch out. You better not cry. You better not pout, I'm telling you why, Cause Santa Clause might put a cap in your ass.
Oprah's quitting in 2011. Now we know why the Mayans ended their calendar in 2012
I knew that I had been partially right in the storeroom above the bar on Christmas Day. Whoever I had become had to die.
I'm not so much a dragon slayer, more a dragon annoyer -- I'm a dragon irritater.
I think holidays create so much pressure because people feel they should be having a good time. But you shouldn't.
I have a deep and profound mistrust of all politicians.
She still cared for me, and the best way I could make amends to her was to be happy. I do have a knack for finding great women.
